Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys
by drag-eart
Summary: *NaruDBZ xover* Naruto dies. But the afterlife turns out to be a lot more exciting than he anticipated. Naru/18. Starts at the Saiyan Saga. Cowritten with Ld 1449.
1. I'm where?

AN: Warning, this will follow Cannon DBZ rather closely until at least the end of the Frieza arc, where it will then deviate a bit from normal DBZ.

Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys

By: drag-eart and Ld 1449

Chapter 1: I'm where?

"Hey, you're holding up the line!"

"Move your ass!"

"Come on buddy we don't have all day."

"Kick the damn kid awake already!"

"With what you idiot we don't have legs?"

The prone form in question was laid sprawled on the floor on his stomach, his arms and legs spread in different directions haphazardly. His unruly blond hair was parted and hung in disarray the metal hitai-ate that was once tied around his head forgotten.

He turned over allowing part of his face to appear from his blond locks. Scarred cheeks met the eyes of the overcrowded viewers. The black and orange clad person didn't stir from sleep however, but only gave a sign of his well being by the butt scratching he initiated and the pass of wind that came with it.

"What the hell is that smell?"

"Aw man the dude farted!"

"But I didn't hear anything."

"They're the silent but deadly ones."

"Seriously, we lose our body…but we still have our sense of smell"

Blue orbs assembled and gathered around the young man's form, like a moth to a flame they buzzed on one side of him unable to cross him. The blond haired figure turned completely around facing up allowing more to be uncovered. He scratched his chest, while the other was hanging idly by his side. Drool was hanging from his lips.

But oblivious to what was going on around him he continued sleeping in his slumber. Unperturbed from the commotion he was causing.

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"Come on move it along," a blue skinned man commanded. "Let's go, all spirits form a line how it's supposed to be. You hav…Hey," the one-horned blue man cut in during his speech. "I'm talking you don't go out of order. Get back in line right now!"

"Now then…."As the man continued on, blue orbs hovered in a straight line over a narrow bridge like snake way. Staying in formation one by one they entered the fortress like building.

Four bishop looking skyscrapers awaited them with white porcelain walls, and green tiled colored roofs, they were posted on each corner reminiscent to a square. Yet in the middle of this geographic setting a larger structure stood in the middle between the four corners.

Red walls surrounded the buildings inside, in the front entrance a small tower was the only opening through the mansion, atop of this structure read in large blue printed letters, _Welcome_. Golden wisps of clouds shadowed the ground level almost covering the whole land below it, but pieces of it showed through the fog. Giving assurance that you wouldn't fall once you reached the entrance.

Posted at the both corners of the entrance were blue skinned men with business suit for outfits. Complete with a tie and white shirt the only difference being the color of their pants being striped with gold and black. Other blue men were also positioned along the narrow snake way shouting commands and orders to keep the line moving and running on schedule.

"Keep it together now don't get left behind," one of the blue skin men said guiding the orbs through the entrance, but when he turned to meet more of these spirits his eyes widened. The narrow snake way bridge was completely empty and deserted.

"Wh-what's going on," he questioned. He saw a figure appear out the golden clouds further way and he was waving his arms frantically. He put the speaker in front of his mouth and yelled. "What the hell is going?"

The form meters away replied, "I don't know they just stopped coming through this division. Call up a runner to go check out the scene."

The blue skinned demon saluted and radioed in, "We have a situation. The number of spirits has been delayed and isn't coming in. Send a runner. It's possible a wanderer in our midst."

"Roger that," a figure answered from atop of welcome tower. He put his headset down and turned to a form that was supposedly his partner who slept soundly undisturbed. Exasperated and irritated he threw the headset towards his head, hitting dead center. "Bob, get your ass up."

"Ow, what the hell is your problem," the young demon replied. He rubbed his forehead tiredly trying to sit up. "Don't you see…"

"Don't start with me boy," the blue demon replied. He was fuming, eyes smoldering.

"Ah, right sir," the young demon retorted quickly realizing who he was speaking to.

"Now that you're finally awake I have an assignment for you," the blue demon started. The young demon straightened up and listened intently. "There's been trouble with the flow of spirits coming through here. Something is either disturbing their passage or worse taking these spirits. Divisions can't break regulations and find the cause of it. You're a runner so you're one of the few able to run through the passage undisturbed. So I want you to head down the snake way and check it out."

"Can't I take someon.." the young demon began but was interrupted.

"You are trained for this."

"What happens if it's a…."

"Just shut your yap and get down there. Check why the flow has stopped!" the blue demon shook his head from side to side. "I swear you call yourself an oni. Just get out here Bob."

"Y-yes, sir," the blue skinned assistant next to him answered. He put down the headset and speaker he was holding in his hand and ran out the door. He adjusted his black cap atop of his head with one hand, making sure it didn't irritate the horns that protruded from each side of his forehead and pushed passed the door with other.

Once, he passed the threshold he didn't anticipate a small ledge waiting. The blue demon stumbled slightly the glasses that sat on the ridge of his nose falling onto the floor, his clumsy step coming forth and stepping on them.

"Oh, crap," the blue ogre cursed. He picked it up by the rims and frowned seeing the pieces of glass hitting the shined wood of the vicinity. "Mother is gonna kill me."

Tucking the pieces in his shirt pocket he hurried down the corridor. Not fully anticipating what he would find.

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"So are we just going to wait here?"

"We can't really do much laddie. We can't kick his arse or very much punch his face in. The only way is to scream yer heads off…aye…forget I mentioned it."

"Shouldn't someone be coming already?"

"I hope so, it's starting to get crowded pretty soon we'll be falling off."

"If we fall do we like die…?"

"Was that really a serious question…we're already dead you stupid dumbass."

"I think he meant if we you know…go to…hell."

"Don't know and don't care. I'm not planning on finding out."

"Shut up all of you I think he is waking up!"

The prone form shifted slightly and began rouse from his slumber. He opened his eyes wearily, but was quick to close them, when a shining blue light was awaiting him. He heard voices around him, but was unable to make out the jumbled words. They began to quiet, when he began to awaken, but started again soon after when he stopped moving.

This notion kept him alert though, knowing he may be held captive. His instincts began to take over trying to formulate a plan to escape. Thinking about such things allowed him to rouse from his waking mind quicker, expecting an attack anytime to happen.

Yet, no such thing had occurred, the voices around him just kept on their ongoing chatter, keeping him awake of all things. Finally, having enough of this senseless banter, he rose himself into a seating position slowly. His muscles in his body still stiff. He moved in the speed of a decrepit old man. The young blond haired man rubbed his hands on his eyes trying to help dim the glow of the light beginning to crowd around his body. He opened them warily and squinted against the new set of lights awaiting him.

His gaze widened seeing the endless amount of golden clouds and open expanse of the sky that stood before him. He rose himself fully this time, not paying any attention to the blue orbs that were hovering over his body moments ago. He stood a gaped watching the golden-red swirl of the sky, changing, never remaining the same for long.

He took a step forward and felt his shoes scrape roughly on the cobblestone beneath his feet. The blond haired shinobi looked over the pavement and trailed his eyes along the narrow snake way, the shock in his eyes becoming more pronounced and evident with every passing second. He felt his body still for a moment when he heard a voice call behind him.

"Yep, just up and ignore us…asshole."

"So who here thinks this guy is off his rocker?"

Naruto turned quickly in the direction of the voice and his eyes widened at impossible odds, his jaw went slightly slack watching endless of pile of blue orbs clustered through the narrow passage. The blond haired man made no necessary movements to provoke. He remained there in that position for quite some time. He was barely able to make a tangible reply, "H-when…whe-are…is…I.."

"I float corrected…he is an idiot."

Naruto looked at these blue globes thoroughly and couldn't help a gasp escape him when he was able to see through them. He became aware when they resumed their banter they were the annoying light that blinded him, and also the ones to blame for being awakened through their chatter. He couldn't help but scowl at them; yet, he was surprised just the same when he fully grasped the reality of floating orbs talking to him of all things...he really began to doubt his sanity.

Naruto shook his head from side to side and cleared his throat, "W-where am I," he said, barely above a whisper. He took a hesitant step towards the cluster of blue orbs. "How did I get here?"

The orbs in the narrow snake way quieted, until one floated forward, "You're dead, sonny…"

The simple reply was so unexpected it caught Naruto off guard. He couldn't move his body and remained stock still letting it sink in. He felt oppressing power of the sentence and felt the cold chill run up his spine realizing the truth on the matter. He looked around him for further confirmation.

"I don't remember dyin…"

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'Why am I always the one who has to deal with these things,' the blue skinned oni thought. He walked along the snake way with his brows furrowed and his fists clenched. "Lazy my ass, let me see them get their ass moving from their, oh so mighty seats and get burned, stabbed, and bitten all at the same time." He said through gritted teeth. He stomped the cobblestone beneath his feet making sure it impacted to resonate around him.

He had passed through a number of vicinities coming across seated co-workers sipping and chatting without a care in the world. Infuriating him even more, they waved at him and asked how his day was going of all things. He made sure to flip them the bird for good measure and to suck a nut for asking.

What infuriated him was one of the staff thought it would be…_hilarious_…if they would shut the damn door when he was about to pass. It didn't go well, not for him anyways. When he did cross the threshold to pass into the portal to head in a new division, they shut it so unexpectedly; he'd lost his balance and stumbled over almost falling over the edge. He fell painfully on his side and at the same time watched horrified, as his broken glasses fell from his shirt pocket into the depths below. They laughed at him like it was the funniest thing in the world…_Fascinating_…

He walked the rest of the way irritated, tired, and above all peeved hearing the assholes laugh continue long before he was out of ear-shot. Plus, not forgetting that he hadn't come across a single soul crossing the snake way. Great day indeed…..

He was about to round the next corner when he stopped abruptly, hearing faint voices in the distance. His eyes widened hearing them converse and argue, but was unable to make out the words being said. He pulled the golden cloud open slightly to have a better view of the enemy he was about to confront, but was left surprised to find a corporeal figure chatting away with an overly cluster of orbs, threading on other side of him. The Blue skinned oni tried to see his face, but was only able see the back of his golden hair, and the black orange attire he was suited in.

He was startled out of his reverie when the orange clad lad yelled out unexpectedly. The blue skinned man back peddled away but was able to see the orbs flinch from the young man's response. He was able to glimpse the blond haired young man flail his arms from side to side and walk up and down the snake way with his hand on his chin his brow furrowed. He looked so lost in thought; the blue oni decided it was perfect time to spring in and surprise him.

What he didn't expect however was a broken shard in his coat to fall out when he was startled moments ago. They fell and shattered on the cobblestone below…the only thing that came mind at the time was...Ah, Shit….

The Blue oni didn't move he stood frozen hoping the blond haired man didn't hear the sound…today just wasn't his day…he looked up and watched the young man gaze at him behind the clouds. He was able to see his face now, the scarred cheeks, and intense blue eyes. He didn't want to make any unnecessary movements…but unfortunately the blond haired young man thought otherwise. "Are you gonna keep hiding there or am I gonna have to drag your ass out of there."

Not wanting to be provoked with young man's challenge he gathered his wit and dignity to step around the corner. He began his trek towards the unknown figure trying to stand with a rigid posture to intimidate this potential figure, but was only able to come up with a person who looked like they were between being constipated and a waddling duck..

"Drop your weapons and put your hands in the air," the blue skinned man said, stopping and making sure he had a good 10 feet radius away from the young man. He had an admonishing finger pointing in his direction. "And, no funny business."

Naruto looked at the figure in front of him and tried to discern if he was any threat to him, but seeing his quivering knees and darting eyes, he deemed him automatically a wimp and coward. He lifted his arms showing he had no weapons on his person and simply answered. "Fair enough," He continued. "I'm unarmed."

"We-well, what's your business here," he retorted making sure he was holding something behind his back to make Naruto believe it was something dangerous, but in reality it was just a pencil.

"Apparently, I'm dead," Naruto answered the blue oni's question using his thumb to point to the blue orbs offhandedly. "They say I am." He was still unbelievingly oblivious to the mounting number of orbs gathering behind him.

"Dead? But how," The blue skinned man questioned. He broke the distance between them and stood before the blond haired young man. Either from curiosity or stupidity, he began to prod Naruto's arms and face. "You're not supposed to have a body." Naruto's eyes widened hearing the blue oni make that assumption

"And why not," Naruto gritted becoming uncomfortable having a guy touching his body of all things.

"Uhh…I don't know…you're…just not supposed to…" Bob said, not really paying attention.

"Well aren't you helpful," Naruto simply said. Growing frustrated every passing moment with the lack of answers from the people or orbs around him. "So who do I have to talk to here, for I can get the hell out of this place?"

"umm…Lord Yama"

"Who?"

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One thing he knew from a young age, was that he never was one to keep his big mouth shut when it was needed, and because of it he stood before this behemoth of a man, the Lord of the domain. He really needed to learn think before he talked…..

Naruto stared at the massive red being that was currently yelling down at a normal sized green...wrinkly...old...thing...and a relatively normal looking guy. "Uhhhh," was his eloquent thought put into words.

Bob, the runner that had come to get him bowed lowly. "King Yama, sir." He called.

But the giant red person ignored him as he continued yelling at the green individual who seemed quite frightened at the red one. Naruto couldn't blame him.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH PAPERWORK BRINGING SOMEONE TO LIFE GIVES ME KAMI! WELL DO YOU! HOW ABOUT I SEND ALL THOSE PAPERS DOWN FOR YOU TO FILL OUT HUH!"

Bob was about to call again but before he opened his mouth the red one rounded on them. "WHAT!" He yelled knocking Naruto on his ass and making Bob tilt back a bit because of the wind of his breath.

Naruto's eyes watered a bit on the floor, he would have made some smart ass remark about how this person needed a few million mints, but the thought of possibly pissing off the big red dude was not an appealing one.

"Sir," Bob said formally as he adjusted his glasses and tie. "I believe this may also have some strange circumstances to look into."

Yama looked at the blond sitting on the floor, "Yea, I've been waiting for this one…" He remarked, before he began hastily looking through his files. "AHA!" He yelled in triumph as he pulled out a massive cluster of papers with plenty of red markings and other assorted items in them.

Naruto watched with a faint feeling of detached confusion. As he saw the giant red being release the papers from his grasp, allowing them to slam on the floor directly in front of them, crashing with enough force to make them (the people in the room) levitate for a few seconds, as the ground shook beneath them.

"That my boy is a list of all the crimes you must atone for." Yama said dismissively as he turned back to the two he had been speaking to before.

But, as soon as he opened his mouth, a yell which could easily have carried over one of his own at his best days filled the room. "WHAAAAAAAAAT!"

Before Naruto leapt up over the pile of papers, "Mass Genocide, mass destruction, disrupting the balance of heaven and earth, challenging the gods, summoning spirits of the Makai...raping of female foxes. What the hell-I DIDNT DO ALL THIS SHIT! YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY!"

Yama's face wrinkled up with annoyance. "Stop trying to deny it. You're the Kyuubi no yo-" He paused as one of his assistants held up a paper in front of him. Yama quickly scanned over its contents. "Ooooooh, I see...so you're the container then. Hmmm, Uzumaki Naruto." He muttered to himself as he passed over a few more pages. "Well your file is relatively clean, almost impeccably so..."

Naruto sat down on the paper, arms crossed and glaring at the red man who was reading over his papers. "There ya see. Ya got the wrong guy. So just get this fox outta me so he can handle his own papers."

Yama glanced back uhh down at Naruto, getting a very strange look on his face, one that could be linked to that of a deer caught in the headlights. Before Naruto could say anything, Yama was in the corner with a dozen or so of his assistants discussing something in hushed whispers. It was a very strange sight seeing this giant red man bending over like a kid trying to hide in a corner.

Naruto looked around finding similar looks of confusion on the green guy, along with the other normal looking guy.

Then before they could blink, Yama was back at his desk clearing his throat and looking as dignified as possible. "Ahem well...Mr. Uzumaki...we have a small problem."

"What kind of problem." Naruto said warily, not liking the tone of voice.

"Well you see it's quite simple. We cannot separate you from the Kitsune without killing you again...in which case...you'll disappear...like forever kind of disappear."

Naruto nodded slowly, "Okaaaaay...and..."

"Well we need to punish the nine tails for his evil deeds...but you on the other hand, have been a kind soul your entire life...so we cannot punish you."

Naruto's mouth was open as if he was about to say something but the words were seized on his lips, caught in his throat as his eyes wandered up and down left and right, as if trying to find the words. Finally, he spoke. "So what are you saying?"

"Ahem." Yama cleared his throat, professionally as he adjusted his tie. "According to the law of-." He glanced at a big book at his side, peeking, it open quickly as he closed it just as fast. "322 of inter celestial Bureaucratic justice you must atone and remorse for the actions committed by your tenant."

One of the nearby assistants on the desk scratched his chin. "I don't remember-urk"

He was swiftly and brutally cut off as Yama flattened him against the palm of his hand as if he had been swatting a fly.

Naruto stood up angrily. "WHAT! THAT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT! I AINT GONNA ATONE FOR THAT STUPID FOX'S CRIMES. I'LL BE AT IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

"You must obey the celestial Bureaucracy." Yama said as he sipped on his tea.

"YOU JUST MADE THAT SHIT UP!"

"Uhhh, King Yama!" Kami interrupted gently.

The giant suddenly smiled. "KAMI!" He said as if greeting the green man for the first time, catching the namekian off guard. He looked at Naruto. "Boy, I have the perfect assignment to help you with this monumental task of beginning this long road of atonement for the Kyuubi's past misdeeds."

Naruto slapped his hands against his head. "AM I GOING COMPLETELY MAD!"

"You can help Goku save the earth!" Yama continued ignoring the boy's outburst.

Naruto looked at the smiling Yama, and back to the confused looking guy who he now knew as Goku.

"Uhhh...Hi." The sayain greeted, not knowing what else to do.

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AN: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Review Please..


	2. It's not the distance it's the trip

AN: We'd like to thank our beta alterego94 for his help. Other than that, there's really not much to say other than to enjoy chapter.

Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys

By: drag-eart and Ld 1449

Chapter 2: It's not the distance it's the trip

A small car cruised along a narrow passage, driven by a blue skinned oni with an irritated look on his face. He gripped the steering wheel tightly and cursed under his breathe, portraying his annoyance on the whole ordeal. The young oni tried right himself on his seat, but the petite outline of the vehicle proved to be a fruitless endeavor. The car had two individual seats inside, one in the front for the driver and in the back for the passenger. A car wrongfully suited to carry out the task he was assigned to do.

Bob, the driver, looked in his rearview mirror to see his two passengers bunched together in the single back seat. He snorted in agitation when they started bickering and pushing each other in their sleep like small children, trying to make space and accommodate themselves as comfortably as possible. Useless attempts indeed…..

Again he cursed his misfortune, but this time the name of his boss came soon after. The said person was the same bloke that gave him the order to find the disturbance of souls, leading to the annoying blond haired young man. Unfortunately he was also the same person that gave him this dingy and uncomfortable piece of crap car to end with. He made a sharp left turn…listening with twisted glee when both passengers knocked their heads against each other, a loud crack resounding through the small car.

An exasperated sigh escaped him, though. He'd tried to obtain a larger, much more spacious vehicle for the trip, but they told him flat out that he would _not_ go near another car of such high caliber again. At least, until he paid the damages he'd caused on Lord Yama's car in full. How was he supposed to know there was that hill in the clearing with a tar pit at the bottom? He told them to go shove it of course…but he understood their anger.

Lord Yama was, well... for lack of a better word _furious_, but Bob was lucky enough not to receive the full brunt of his assault and left with only a warning and his body still intact. Yet, he was still irritated - the incident had happened many years ago, when he'd barely started on the job.

Typical that oni in these parts held such a petty grudge against him, even to this day. His mother would definitely come to hear of this…nobody messed with her doodlekins after all.

"Move over," the blue skinned oni heard the younger passenger complain from behind him. Bob looked in the rearview mirror once again, and saw the person he now knew as Naruto push the sleeping form of Goku with his elbow, trying to awaken his companion from his sleeping state.

"Mmfr...hungry...mm," the Saiyan mumbled in his sleep, and turned away from Naruto. Bob snickered at the man's response. He turned his eyes back on the road ahead, suddenly becoming lost in his thoughts…he was feeling hungry too, now that he thought about it.

Naruto opened his eyes slowly and through his squinted vision, he was able to see the back of the head of the oni that escorted him to Yama in the beginning. Now he was assigned to take them to a place known as the Snake way…_encouraging name by the way_…It was a path that would lead them to a person known as King Kai.

The only warning they were given was - not for any reason, whatsoever - fall off Snake way.

Helpful advice…

He grew uncomfortable hearing the engine roaring in the background and was rendered speechless when Bob went over a bump and threw him up in his seat, hitting the hard roofing of the vehicle. He rubbed his head feeling the second bruise of the day begin to grow…_Asshole_…

But he had to admit knocking heads with Goku was a much more painful experience. What was his head made out of, stone? He felt a little nauseated and a bit disoriented. _Must be the wheels,_ Naruto thought.

He'd never been in a vehicle such as this before. For that reason, when he was first introduced and sent to obtain the thing called a car, the trio were... delayed. Naruto instantly went in the offensive and began to fight the contraption when it came to life, an epic battle of fists and metal. Naruto had learned his lesson and didn't plan to make a repeat of it again...but at the moment, he wasn't quite so sure...

The employees were surprised it even started after the intense beating, it was in bad shape from the beginning, but now - adding tar to a withering flame - its last legs were beginning to weaken.

Now that he was subdued and placed inside the vehicle, he really began to dislike these things known as cars, especially the tiny one that they'd been given. Feeling claustrophobic in the situation he was put in, he began to rouse from his sleeping mind even more and stared out the window to get his mind out of the predicament. He shook his head from side to side hearing the snores of the older man next of him.

"Goku," the blond haired man elbowed again. "Hey!" when the man still did not budge, Naruto realized then that his attempts in awaking the Saiyan were futile. He sighed in resignation, before turning away; he'd given the bulky form a final shove and sat with his arms crossed. Soon after he was left gazing outside the limited-space vehicle he was riding in once again.

Naruto stared at the golden wisps of clouds passing by his vision. He didn't move for time, just staring at the endless expanse of the sky. Subconsciously, he clutched the jumpsuit on his frame cursing the Kyuubi's existence at the same time. _How can life, be so fucked up in the afterlife?_ He thought. The former shinobi closed his eyes shutting the world around him, entering the sanctuary of his mind. He began to contemplate the deed he was assigned by Lord Yama.

His mind began to play back the entire conversation he had to listen and pine over the entire time. He didn't miss a single part of the important discussion, it was more of the thought of actually finding a loop hole out of this catastrophe, but there didn't seem to be one. How... _unfortunate_.

Now, for whatever reason, he had to help this guy next to him and help him face off against these races of people called the Saiyans. Ironic, however, is that the man that remained asleep next to him was kin to these people. And yet, he planned to fight these warriors regardless.

He pondered how powerful these men from another planet would be, to make Goku decide to train in otherworld. It just made no sense. Now he was smack dab in the middle of everything, because of the fox of all things. If he ever met the Yondaime he would gladly give him an ass kicking he'd never forget.

"Bob, are we there yet?" Naruto said absentmindedly. Opening his eyes, he took his gaze away from the window pane he was looking out of and looked at the driver.

"Relax," he replied, scratching his head to massage his growing headache. "We still have a long way to go."

Naruto reclined in his seat and exhaled a weary breath before turning in the direction of the golden swirl of the sky once again. _Great day my ass._

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_Breathe…Relax…Concentrate…Breathe...Relax...Concentrate..._a green skinned man repeated the mantra within the reaches of his mind. His white cape whip lashed in the midnight air as he closed his intimidating eyes and focused his energy. He felt the ki course through his body and spread like an electricity surge, encasing his form in a white aura. His body withstanding the intense pressure, he began to expel the ki in excess amounts from the pores of his body.

Debris and gravel began to swirl around his form growing wider with each passing moment, as his power gave fury to the cloud storm. It twisted and mingled with the perfect shape sphere he'd created. All the while he sat in the middle of it.

A low rumble came forth from his throat, and he whispered it silently under his breathe. The rocky area was pierced unexpectedly in a perfect circle of white ki and rose with his body. He began his ascent from the rough clearing, and floated above the skies, his legs crossed and brows furrowed in concentration, the ground beneath him following suit.

He placed his hands in front of his body and clapped them together, holding the position. The green skinned man began to whisper, the mantra being repeated so softly that when it escaped his lips, it was quickly taken by the wind. _Breathe…Relax…Concentrate…_He continued repeating, _Breathe…Relax…Conc-, _but was abruptly interrupted by his apprentice.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Piccolo was snapped out of his reverie, forgetting to breathe, and losing his concentration at the same time. He fell onto the hard gravel below, straight on his ass. "I WANT MY MOMMY!"

His hat fell off from atop his head, and descended into the cracked crevices below. He growled his irritation and looked across the clearing. With his sharp intense eyes he was able to see the small figure of Goku's whelp walking above ground level, resting atop the highest pillar in the area. He would've never guessed how the young boy reached those lengths, but it was one the reason he planned to train him…to unleash that dormant power residing within his small form.

He got up slowly feeling the bruised backside intense with the quick movement. He gritted his teeth hearing the boy continue his tirade, "I'M HUNGRY…I WANT TO GO HOME…MOMMY," he raised himself into a crouching position the antennae on his head sensing the young Saiyan's distress. He let an exasperated sigh escape him as he jumped off the ground and flew in the direction of the young boy's cry.

Only the first day and already the boy sounded like he was on the brink of death. That mother of his must have been too smothering…making him oblivious to the creatures he was trying to befriend like a tiger or a dinosaur of all things. Was he that simple minded or did he really not know what creatures were dangerous?

He shook his head from side to side. He'd helped him in those situations, but those were the last times he would interfere in his self imposed training on the boy. He couldn't help the brat any longer, he would have to make due on his own now.

He pulled a pair of red apples from within his shirt and stared irritably at the small figure laying in a fetal position…who was he kidding. He would help the young Saiyan, but only this one time; the last time.

It was key for the boy to learn how survive on his own…his training would be far worse than Gohan could ever imagine, that is... if he came out alive once the six months had ended. Either way he'd still keep a close eye on the son of Goku. Gohan could be the answer - the warrior that would save the universe - against these Saiyans.

He gritted his teeth again, realizing he was calling the boy by his name now. Some would say it was considered a familiarity, he considered it an annoyance…_Damn kid._

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"Are we there yet?" Naruto asked for the umpteenth time for the day, his cerulean eyes still gazing out into the open sky.

"For the last time," Bob retorted, the anger in his tone rising. He turned abruptly from the driver seat and glared menacingly at him. "We're nowhere close…"

"Is that it," Naruto said, pointing towards a large statue of a snake.

"Uuh," Bob turned quickly in the direction Naruto had pointed at. His eyes widened at the statue when he cleared the next hill over. He was flabbergasted at the sight before him; incoherent words were sputtered from his lips. "Umm..a…her…"

"I'll take that as yes then," Naruto finished, rising himself from his seat. He clutched the seat where Bob was seated and squinted his eyes to have better view of the statue.

It was still too far away to make out the full description of the monument, but regardless it was huge in comparison to things he'd seen in his own world. He sat back in his seat and tried to right himself in a comfortable position to rest in, but it was useless when it came to the figure sleeping next him. So he sat back up and waited idly.

Naruto's eyes widened marginally when the statue grew larger with each passing moment, as the car sped along the road. The menacing snake head coming to full view, it had its mouth a gape and the long slithery tongue tasting the air around it. Its jeweled eyes gleaming crimson. All words escaped him at that time. It was a terrifying sight to see…no wonder only a few got passed this point; it wasn't very welcoming was it?

The young blond haired former shinobi was shook out his trance when he felt the car shudder…Naruto had the sudden thought it would come to life, and felt it in his bones that he should of killed the evil contraption the first time they met.

He hated it when he was wrong.

The car, he realized, was slowing down and sputtering black exhaust behind them. Naruto turned around, frowning at the fumes that continued to rise behind him, a small fire begining to sprout from the trunk of the car. His eyes widened to impossible odds, he _knew_ it - cars were evil. "B-Bob, the car is smoking."

"What are you talking about? This car _always_ smokes, it's a piece of crap." Bob replied, oblivious to the fire beginning start behind him. The roaring flame sprung to life. "Are you blind or something?"

Naruto could feel the heat radiate off his seat. The whole car began to rattle once Bob had finished speaking, the acrid smoke filling the cab of the small vehicle. Bob sniffed the air around him, the suffocating black smoke filling his nostrils. He soon came to realize the extent of the condition they were in when the fire began to trail along the roofing of the car.

They felt the flames lick the top of their hairs. Bob, with no hesitation whatsoever, unlatched the door outside and opened the retractable roof over his head. He got out of the car with a quick maneuver, and jumped over the side door. Naruto was surprised when Bob began to run away from the car…leaving them behind.

Naruto's eyes widened at the notion of abandonment of their guide. He let a heavy sigh escape him, but was soon shook out of his reverie when he felt the flames intensify.

Naruto sprung into action with no hesitation. He jumped over the side and began to run away from the vehicle as well. With all his might, he ran away from the ticking car, and reached far enough to catch his breath. He put his hands on his knees and tried with little success to catch his breathe. His eyes began to search for Bob and he just caught a little of the guide's black cap visible as he continued running along Snake way. Figuring to leave them for dead…what a guide he turned out to be.

Naruto looked around him to find his other companion, but soon realized he was nowhere to be found. He turned in the direction of Bob who was still running in the direction of Snake way, away from the evil contraption, and quickly came to realize he had forgotten something. He looked around him and his eyes widened when he turned to the car again and saw Goku asleep; unaffected of the flames that spread around him.

_Crap…_

"GOKU!" he yelled out, running in the direction of the vehicle. He berated himself all the while, pumping his legs to reach the sleeping figure. But was cut off when the car exploded in an inferno, launching his body a good meter away. He slid against the ground, scraping his side and banging his head in the process…a stupid notion occurred to him then…when he realized that was the third bruise of the day.

He stopped abruptly his sides throbbing painfully and vision a bit blurred. He gathered his wit and rose himself on shaky knees. The young blond haired shinobi lifted and righted his posture as best as possible, but his mind still disoriented. The intensity of the flames rose higher, black acrid smoke filling the expanse of the empty skies above.

His eyes widened, he didn't mean to be an asshole, but with Goku's death did that mean he would need to find another manner of atoning for the furball's past misdeeds? But he quickly put the selfish thought in the back of his mind when he ran towards the flaming vehicle. Naruto reached and unzipped the jacket around his form, taking it off at the same time. Stopping, he dropped to one knee and placed the suit on the cobblestone.

Having no knife on his person, he used his own strength and began to rip the sleeves of both sides of his jacket. He then wrapped his hands around them making sure they were securely covered from being burned and lifted himself from his kneeling position.

His mind for just a moment retained an old memory of an old lady telling him his suit was inflammable, so he had a better chance of escaping a fire unscathed than most. He just needed his hands intact however. The fox could take over the rest.

When he'd finished wrapping his hands he bent over and grabbed the ripped jacket and put it over his head. Naruto without a second thought ran into the blazing inferno.

He'd taken a deep breath before entering, but the heat of flames caused him to take an unexpected small breath. Yet it was all it took to take in the black fumes, making him sputter and cough. Nevertheless he yelled out Goku's name all the while. "GOKU!"

He tripped over a piece of metal and fell with his hands outstretched, making sure no part of his body touched the heated metal, his jacket falling from his form a few feet away. He quickly raised himself and ran towards the head protection and put it over his head, like a blinded man in an open expanse, he was unable to decipher which way to head to. His arms were outstretched in front him trying to at least hit the vehicle, but at the same time walked cautiously. He didn't want to fall over the ledge and end it.

His vision became blurry, as he coughed harshly in his covered palm. He couldn't die again could he? Not when he was given the chance to redeem himself again. If he died it was over…he would disappear forever. He dropped to his knees, beginning to realize the extent of his impending doom. The young man tried to peer into the dark fog, but his eyes became overshadowed in darkness. The only sound heard was in the distance when a loud crash resonated around the area. He began to fall soon after.

Naruto was surprised when he felt a palm on his shoulder holding him up, the blond haired young man peered into the shadow of a man before him. "Whoooeeeee, that was close."

Naruto shook his head from side to side, instead of being the rescuer he ended up being the one rescued. Isn't that a trip…

Naruto let a heavy sigh escape him, before he blacked out.

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"Thanks Bob," Naruto heard someone say. He opened a heavy eyelid and was still unable to see, his vision blurry. He tried to get a grip on the situation, but it slipped beyond his control when he was suddenly lifted up in the air and landed on someone's back with heavy thud. "Remember to deliver that to Fortune-Teller Baba."

"Right, right, anything else….?"

An extended silence grew between the two…Naruto figured the conversation was over, but he was dead wrong as usual.

"I'm pretty hungry. Where can I get food?" the Saiyan simply asked. To Naruto it came in jumbled words, things he couldn't decipher. He breathed softly filling his lungs with the clean air of this otherworld. His whole body felt numb and useless, just a dead weight. He tried with fruitless attempt in moving, but he remained immobile. He resigned his futile effort and tried to pay attention to the conversation at hand.

"You don't," Bob replied.

"What! How are we going to surv…."

"You can go a few months without eating in this world giving you ample time to reach King Kai by then," an evil smile began to arise on his lips. "That is if you don't fall down Snake way. Because should you fall off there's no coming back."

But he knew already what they were discussing was already finished. He was slipping back in the depths of his slumber. The blond haired man closed his eyes and let the Sandman take him, but not before hearing Bob's last words.

"Now, where's my tip…"

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"So that's the secret of the Saiyan's power," Piccolo scowled, his eyes furrowed, incisory teeth gritted. "It's that tail. Somehow it gives them the ability to transform at a full moon."

He took his eyes away from the Goku's son and peered to the destroyed moon above. Or what was left of it. It shimmered brightly in the midnight sky lighting Piccolo's visage. His face contorted in intense concentration from the whole ordeal. "In that case it was for the best that I destroyed it."

Piccolo looked across the clearing with a bewildered look on his face, surveying the chaos ensued by the little form lying peacefully on the ground. Dark smoke rose in the blackened night, overturned trees, and craters were imprinted on the clearing before him. "If Gohan did this much damage, I hate to think what the other two Saiyans would have done when they arrived."

He looked down at young boy sprawled on the ground once again.

_Without the moon they won't be able to transform. We'll be on a more level playing field. In fact, we have an advantage, because we know that their tails are a weak point._

"Which means right now that tail is just a liability." Piccolo reached down and grasped the tail of his charge. He pulled the monkey tail off of the little demi-Saiyan's body with a simple tug and threw the flimsy thing to the side. "There"

Piccolo righted himself before continuing, "Now, I guess you'll need some new clothes and sword would help. You can't say didn't give you anything kid." The Namekian finished before he concentrated quickly his ki into the palm of his right hand until it became aglow in a yellow light. When it was unleashed, it encased the young son of Goku in a golden aura, expelling like swell over its small frame. Until, it stopped abruptly, leaving Gohan with his father's clothes and a small broad sword by his side.

Piccolo chuckled when he saw the insignia imprinted on Gohan's clothes, "Clothes are like your Dad's, but the symbols show that you're from my dojo." Piccolo smirked soon after, but reverted back to his usual hostile manner. "Alright, I've already done more for you than I intended. I don't have time to baby sit you anymore. I have my own training to do."

He began to turn away slightly, before he turned once again to the small figure, "But if you can survive for six months on your own, you'll see me again." His smirk widened, as he clenched his large hand in a fist rising in front of him. "And that's when you'll learn the art of fighting the hard way. I'll teach you everything."

A sadistic sneer started to appear on his visage, "That's right. You'll learn how to be just like me."

He disappeared under the starlit sky.

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A few hours later Naruto groaned as he pried his eyes open. Only to find the yellow clouds and concrete stone pathway floating right past him. He could feel his body bent and turned into a similar state to being packed in a fireman's carry.

Getting into the waking world a bit more the blond looked slightly to the side to the spiky black head of hair belonging to the person that currently carried his weight...correction...was actually flying with him over his shoulders. "Uhhhh you can let me down now." He said slowly making sure he wouldn't startle Goku, else the Saiyan would actually 'let him down' in a very unfavorable way.

Goku turned his surprised eyes onto the blond Jinchuriki. "Oh, you're up." He said smiling as he started to descend. "Good I was starting to get tired." The martial artist admitted as he settled down on Snake way, kneeling a bit in order to allow Naruto to slip down and regain his feet on the cobblestones.

Naruto stumbled for a second or two before he fully regained his balance, still dizzy and lightheaded from the smoke. The blond vowed he would die a fifth time before he ever stepped foot in another of those damn contraptions these people called a car.

Turning his eyes to Goku the blond saw him sitting down cross-legged, upon closer inspection he noticed the spiky haired man's breathing was heavy, beads of sweat marring his forehead. He must have been a bit more tired than he let on. Naruto sat down as well. "Thanks for carrying me, uhh...Goku." He said after the brief moment he struggled to remember his companion's name.

Goku smiled as he scratched the back of his head. "No problem, I couldn't just leave you back there. If what I've heard and seen is true I'm gonna need your help in defeating the Saiyans anyway."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "From what you've seen? You already saw one?"

Goku's smile dropped instantly as he looked to his feet. "Yeah...his name was Raditz."

Naruto blinked for a moment before he spoke. "He's the one that killed you isn't he?"

Goku started a bit before he looked to Naruto. "How'd you know?"

Naruto shrugged. "I guess I could just kinda tell."

Goku's smile returned a bit. "Yeah well...he didn't really kill me, I kinda held him in place while a…friend of mine called Piccolo shot a blast that killed us both. Raditz wanted to take my son." Goku said leaning back a bit as he stared up at the yellow clouded sky.

That perked Naruto's interest. "You have a son?"

Goku's smile returned with such radiance Naruto was blinded by it. He shined with such fatherly pride he seemed like he was ready to burst. "Yeah! His name is Gohan! He's only four right now but he's so smart. Chi-Chi always has him studying a lot, so he should turn out to be _really_ smart. I didn't know that there was any kind of math besides adding and subtracting, But Chi Chi has him doing these things called square roots already and he also-"

Naruto chuckled at Goku's joke about not knowing there had been more to math than adding and subtracting as he listened to the guy ramble on about his son like a tape recorder in fast forward. (Little did the blond know that Goku was actually serious, he didn't know there was math beyond adding and subtracting, and even those two he found to be rather challenging at times.)

"Oh, and you should have seen him against Raditz it was amazing Narupo-"

"Naruto." The blond corrected before he caught what Goku had said. "Wait, wait, wait...did you just say that your son...fought the guy that killed you?"

Goku nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! His power level went through the roof and he just...WHAM! He hit Raditz so hard he nearly punched a hole right through his armor! Boy was Raditz hurting after that!" He was nearly screaming as he used wild hand gestures to emphasize his point.

Naruto blinked. "You said your son was four? But...had he ever fought before?"

Goku shook his head. "No. I mean Chi Chi won't even let him play 'Contact sports' whatever those are."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, this went against his experiences as a Shinobi. Sure adrenaline and fear could sometimes grant an individual enormous leap in raw muscle strength, but in a fight against a skilled opponent, raw power counted for little. Though it could be that this Raditz underestimated the boy and thus got caught off guard but something like this jump in "Power Level" that Goku was describing was not viable as far as he was concerned.

Goku then seemed to collect himself and looked at Naruto. "What about you?" He questioned looking the blond up and down. "You seem really young...why you can't be no older than..." The sayain paused as he began counting his fingers, blinking as his lip peeked as he thought..._hard_...

These actions obviously caused Naruto to raise an incredulous eyebrow but that eyebrow only went higher as Goku put both hands in front of the blonds face some digits closed against his palm and others peeking up, in order to allow them to be counted. "This much." Goku finished.

Naruto blinked. He blinked hard. And then he stared. A deadpan expression on his face. "Seven?" He questioned incredulously. "I could be no older than...seven?"

Goku blinked and then looked at his fingers before looking at Naruto. "Add ten more."

"Seventeen?" Naruto questioned slowly, making sure he got it right. Apparently Goku really DIDN'T know anything beyond adding and subtracting. At the Saiyain's nod and smile Naruto nodded slowly.

"Close...I'm sixteen." Naruto corrected.

Goku put his hands down, using them instead to grip his feet. "So... what happened then?" He questioned seemingly bouncing on the balls of his feet. How he did that while sitting down Naruto wasn't sure.

Naruto shrugged. "I...I don't really know... I mean...I remember faces...I remember Tsunade-Baa-chan. Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei. I remember everyone, but when I try to remember what happened after I got here I just...get a complete blank. It's like my slate was wiped clean when I died."

Goku nodded, looking very much like an eager child listening to a fascinating story. "Ahh...so what part of the world did you come from?"

Naruto answered without hesitating. "Konoha."

Goku's eyes rose up to the sky as he thought. "I don't think I heard of that place."

Naruto shrugged. "Yeah well...I don't really remember hearing about any Saiyan invasion so we're even." He stated before standing up and helping Goku to his feet. "Alright let's get going, they didn't say this was the longest road in the Otherworld for nothing...and I doubt we'll be seeing any side street vendors for a while. So let's not waste time."

Goku nodded before he crouched down. Naruto looked at him strangely.

"Get on." Goku urged.

Naruto was getting that picture of Gai carrying Kakashi again, forcing him to repress a cold shudder. "Thanks...but I think I'll walk, eh."

Goku nodded before he took to the skies, leaving his blond haired companion in the dust.

Naruto watched him leave. "I wonder if this King Kai dude can teach me that." He questioned before he gave a mighty leap, easily leaping over the expanse of clouds and landing on the next outcropping of Snake way. Giving chase to his black haired companion, he slowly closed up the distance between them until he caught up, pushing himself to match Goku's pace.

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AN: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Review.


	3. This is a God damn Greek Tragedy

AN: It's been awhile...I know, but I plan to continue this and my other stories. I know it's been a long time since I updated, but I'm gonna try to update this story as much as I can. Heh. Sports and school can be a pain...but rest assured it won't be a year long wait for the next. I'll give you a forewarning if something happens that makes me stop. I won't leave ya guys wondering. So keep yourself updated on my profile, which I'll keep updated weekly from now on.

Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys

By: drag-eart and Ld 1449

Chapter 3: This is a God damn Greek Tragedy

"Goku!" Naruto yelled out, turning his head upwards in the direction of his companion, who was flying high above the clouded skies. He furrowed his brows when the Saiyan in question didn't respond, nor showed a sign acknowledgment, but simply continued on.

He let a bated breath escape him and attempted to call him once again, but his efforts fell on deaf ears when the Saiyan disappeared from view temporarily in the clouds and then remerged soon after, further away from him.

The former shinobi of the leaf gave a defeated sigh. The young nin picked up speed in his step to trail closer to the man. He'd tried to take his eyes away from the form above him, but something made him keep his gaze transfixed.

Watching the Saiyan soar the skies made an unexplained feeling begin to well up in his chest, something he was very well accustomed to ever since he was just a child. A feeling he could never forget, having to always face such a thing with his friends…something…akin to envy.

An unwanted memory crossed his mind, a memory, a foolish thought when he was a young boy wanting such a power to…soar and escape.

He knew it was bit petty on his behalf but that feeling was still there. How he would have loved to have such a power. He couldn't help but stare in wonder watching him soar through sky. Flying freely, ignorant of the troubles of the world below, no wars, no Akatsuki, no Sasuke, and no Kyuubi, the very monster who landed him in the shitty position he was now placed in. When he was young he knew he wanted to soar, he wanted to be Hokage, a mantle of absolute importance.

A dream he wanted to achieve. But now…

Grimacing at the turning point his mind was heading, he looked away from the Saiyan trying to shake those thoughts. Through the long journey, at one point, he'd asked Goku how he was able to fly and stay airborne for so long-curiosity paving way to its limits-but unfortunately in the end it proved fruitless when he was just given a vague answer of using Ki, like he knew whatever that was.

Undeterred, he tried asking him if it was in anyway related to Chakra or anything close to it for the matter, but once the words left his lips the Saiyan answered with a bewildered look on his face. The very word seemed to be a foreign to Goku when he'd asked if they were in any way similar. He gave up on the subject soon after realizing he wasn't going to be getting any helpful answers from him.

He may not have learned the true method of learning this power, but regardless, it still amazed him no less.

He'd tried calling again, but was left speechless when the warrior seemed to accelerate in his speed. His name caught on his throat; he lowered his head, and pumped his legs when he began to notice the gap Goku was making between them. Naruto frowned, either, he was very tired from his long distance running or Goku was actually picking up more speed, he didn't plan on getting left behind.

At last, before he caught up to the same speed of Goku, he raised his head and gazed at the road ahead. With his keen eyes he was able to see a small gap between one section of snake way to the next, that was divided by a sharp left on the road. With no hesitation, he quickly jumped the small obstacle to reach the next outcropping.

While still in mid flight he came closer to the Saiyan warrior above him and called to him once again, "Goku." Finally hearing him, he looked down to the hovering shinobi from his current position and tilted his head to acknowledge him, "Can you see anything up ahead yet?" Naruto questioned, trying to stay hovered until reaching the next section.

The Saiyan warrior turned his head away and peered into the dense clouds of the golden skies. He squinted his eyes to see more clearly, but it proved useless in the end. He turned in the direction of Naruto once again and shook his head from side to side. "It's too clouded." Sighing, Naruto began to descend to the cobblestone below, and flipped to slow his speed. He landed lightly and quickly made his sprint soon after.

Momentarily, he'd left the Saiyan trailing behind, giving him the small lead for a short while. When he felt the Saiyan gaining on him, he made sure to stay constant on his movement, making sure if Goku had a burst of speed, he'd be ready.

He made a turn on the road and finally saw what the Saiyan warrior was talking about. The road ahead was clouded, shrouded beyond the eye can see. His mind was telling him to take it slow no point in going head first into this. But, being the person he was, he pushed forward, not fully anticipating what lied on the other side.

He was hearing Goku in the background calling his name, but he ignored his calls and continued on. What he didn't expect however when he did cross the fog was the large door and massive mansion attached to it. So without warning, he crashed head first into a massive door. The impact resonated across the expanse, ringing in the golden skies. He fell roughly on the cobblestone, his head swollen from the impact. "AHH AHH," Naruto yelled out, he'd instinctively lifted his arms to clutch his head and continued. "OH GOD, WHAT THE HELL!"

He tried to rise, but groggily fell on his ass once again.

"You okay?" Goku said, landing next to the Jinchuuriki, putting a hand on his shoulder and the other on his forearm to help lift him from his current position.

"Yeah," Naruto retorted, still a bit shaken up from the whole ordeal. He tried to regain his bearings by adjusting his blurry eyesight. "Damn, out of all places who'd put something like that there." He continued, he tried getting up, but felt a sudden dizzying feeling building making him stumble, he was held up by Goku once again.

Keeping this up he knew he'd end up with an incurable swollen head, unfortunately, it didn't exactly mean for being prideful. He didn't want anybody else to think he was stupid really. Shaking his head from side to side, he lifted his gaze to door he collided with, his eyes widened, leaving him speechless for the place that stood before him.

"Wow," Goku interrupted, whistling soon afterwards, his expression the same as Naruto's. "You think this is King Kai's place?"

Naruto didn't answer his question but just remained motionless through the exchange. His eyes wandered across the mansion or palace, however, one would like to put it, and was flabbergasted. It was enormous simply put. He'd seen such a place before in his world, usually Nobles, and High Class people lived in such places. This world was probably no different. Pompous bastards and riches transcended time he concluded, leaving the less fortunate to suffer. For a moment...he wasn't looking forward to meeting King Kai.

He'd met many Nobles in his world when he was assigned to guard them. Arrogant, spoiled, and bratty are what comes to mind most of the time. Yet, at times there was those few good people that were humble even with splendors set before them. And usually they were the ones that took something so unbalanced, made it connect and prosper. So few…

Naruto's eyes trailed over the white expansive porcelain walls, green linings running by each corner of the building, and the red roofing furnished and gleaming brightly against the golden skies. He walked casually towards the front door and reached with one hand laying his palm against the massive doors.

"Hey Goku," Naruto started, a sinister grin appearing on his features. He turned towards his companion. "You think King Kai isn't trying to compensate for something having this huge ass house." When he turned fully to see Goku's features, his face fell. The Saiyan looked as clueless as he did when Jiraiya tried to explain the notion of where babies came from. He was scarred forever after his explanation.

He tried anyways to see if he understood the jest, "Get it?"

Goku just smiled good naturedly.

'Why do I even try' Naruto thought, he before he shook his head from side to side. Naruto didn't see when Goku's face turned to alarm when he saw the huge mansion begin to slowly transform. The illusion being dispelled, expelling a large excess of smoke around it. The head of a large marble of a snake manifested from the smog, slowly revealing the true nature of the building.

"Naruto!"

The blond haired shinobi slowly began to rise from the concrete under his feet, ever oblivious to the actions being made against him. "It's alright if you don't get it."

"Naruto," The saiyan began pointing behind the hovering shinobi. "Look behind you!"

Naruto turned his head towards the direction his companion was pointing and any word that was supposed to come forth died on his lips. A look of a horror appeared on his visage. When he realized he was being pulled towards the abyss of the snake's mouth.

At the last moment he grasped one of the many sharp teeth of the snake. "What the hell, first I survive an explosion, get knocked on the head FOUR times and now I'm going to be eaten by a snake?" The blond haired shinobi screamed, having his legs dangling closely towards the monsters throat. "This is BULLSHIT!"

"Hold on," Goku yelled out, running towards him. He had his arm outstretched to grasp his hand, unfortunately, both Naruto and Goku failed to see the crack on the concrete on the snake way. For that reason, Goku tripped over by stubbing his foot against it and fell head first towards the open abyss. Colliding with Naruto sending both of them towards whatever awaited them on the other end, a fading voice still ringing around the area.

'_I hate my life_…'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Piccolo looked across the expanse that lay before him, black clouds forming high above him, lightning piercing the depths of the abyss and on to the very earth. He slowly crossed his arms across his chest and closed his slitted eyes. Intangible words began to be uttered from his lips and into the darkness.

He moved the instant the crack of lightning struck the earth, illuminating the vicinity around him. His eyes open abruptly, demonic and haunting. He uncrossed his arms and kept them at his side. He dug his nails in his palms straining every muscle in his body. A primitive battle cry came forth from his lips. His whole body rose a few inches from the pedestal he stood upon on and slowly began to glow an eerie white-blue light.

The Namekian's body jerked uncontrollably, he closed his eyes and mouth tightly trying to control the tempo of the flow of Ki within his body, which only resulted in worsening the spasm on his body. Gritting his teeth, green liquid began to seep from the pores throughout his frame. Like a disturbing illusion another body began to part ways from its creator. The figure pulled itself forcefully out making sure it had its body intact.

The doppelganger drifted a few meters away and tilted his head sharply to the left and right cracking the stiff muscles cramped around that area. The shadow of the man spoke within minutes of its birth. "Fancy meeting you here," The Shadow retorted, rotating its own wrists loosening the joints, before turning towards the real Piccolo, turning serious in the next second. "We'll go for three hours then we need to check on the kid."

Without warning the Doppelganger struck swiftly. Piccolo dropped unexpectedly down the pedestal, skidding down the vertical slope of the mountain. Not far behind the Shadow followed closely, before gaining its legs and began to literally run down the slope gaining on Piccolo every passing second.

Piccolo kicked off the rocky surface and flipped on to the ground below, and began to sprint across the plane, his shadow doing the same. He turned abruptly though and blocked a kick aimed at his head, still moving in a backwards motion he blocked the incoming barrage of punches and kicks. When another mountain came into view Piccolo rushed at the top. Both figures zigzagging like a lightning bolt up the slope of the mountain. Reaching its peak, they dashed into the thunderstorms above. Locking in, both remained suspended throwing punches and kicks too quick for the eye to see.

But Piccolo lost sight of his Shadow when the sky lit up unexpectedly blinding him temporarily. He dropped towards ground zero quickly. But during his descent he felt the sudden rise in power level and looked up. His eyes widened when his Doppelganger shot a yellow beam of light. Dodging the beam, he took off to the left, imagine his surprise when the beam curved at the last second and went straight for him once again.

Piccolo stopped and trailed along the tail of the beam and flew skywards. The beam of light following close behind, he turned quickly, muttering something under his breath he held a hand against the beam. An invisible shield began to form around his hand taking in the impact. But only the brunt of it, damage was still felt.

Still taking the damage his shield couldn't completely protect, he fell to the ground below. Without warning the Doppelganger raised both hands towards him and powered up quickly shooting an onslaught of Ki in the direction of his creator.

A huge dust cloud covered his form. When the smoke cleared Piccolo held two fingers against his head then released a red-yellowish beam towards his Shadow. The Doppelganger simply dodged the beam by tilting his head slightly to the right. Passing between his ear and his shoulder, undeterred.

Both figures walked towards each other and stood before one another, a lightning bolt striking the ground from the heavens above.

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They were still falling apparently.

They'd been falling for the past ten minutes and after so long there was still no hint of hitting rock bottom. Ever since the marble snake ate them up they were passing across well lit areas with golden walls with inscription and Hieroglyphs upon them. Intangible to read for either them, so it was completely useless to even try and do so.

Upon finding the falling heroes,

Naruto was seated with his legs crossed in a meditative state resting his chin on the palm of his hand. He was falling, but even so seemed calm in the matter. The blond haired shinobi yawned through the ordeal and closed his eyes. He'd given up on screaming completely. He'd already reached the point were it was useless to do so. Naruto looked across to his companion. He was another matter entirely…he was still screaming.

"Whooooaaaaa!" Goku yelled out, his arms still flailing above him and his legs kicking dumbly at empty air. "Whoa, Man, this is crazy!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

For the past ten minutes this was the sum of their fall together.

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A woman lay languidly in her satin sheets, drinking slowly from the cup she held in her gloved hands. She trailed her hips with her other hand and followed the sinuous path down her frame. Ruby eyes stared at the empty chambers that remained before her giving a bored sigh in response.

She lifted the cup towards her plump lips and drank her fill-licking around her lips and catching the falling droplets- before setting it down on the little table beside her. The woman placed a gloved palm on the side of her cheek and blew a few strands from her red-orange hair from her face and gave another loathing sigh, "So boring without a man around."

Before those words were uttered, a resounding crash shook the building. Hearing curses screamed beyond her doors. She stirred from her bedding, when she heard commotion outside her chambers become louder. The racket forced her to begin to sit herself up. Her heart beating with excitement when she heard the gong of newly entered visitors. She heard the fading call of one of her servants.

The chambers to her room opened abruptly. Scurrying forward was one of the many servants sent to retrieve her. She stood before her mistress and bowed, before she continued. "Excuse me, Princess. You have two visitors."

With this the Princess righted herself, "What? Visitors?" She couldn't contain the rising excitement in her voice. She asked quickly to see if her assistant wasn't playing a silly jest on her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes Princess," the young woman answered with no hesitation in her tone.

"Oooh what fun?" She rose herself from her seat quickly and walked gracefully towards her destination trying to reign in the skip in her step. "Oh, it's been so long. Let's take a peek shall we?" Her ruby eyes stared through the slits of her window and eyed the two figures under the vent that brought them to her home. She gave a small smile.

"From what I can see, they both seem nice enough," A devilish smile appearing on her beautiful visage her keen eyes roaming over the bodies of both males. Both, Naruto, and Goku unaware of the voyeur watching them through hidden chambers. "Let's take a better look," She stared intently at their visages. "Ah," She uttered sensually while she assessed both men with simply her eyes. "They're both handsome too."

"Should I arrange dinner and room for three Princess?"

"No, just one, can't be too greedy now. Plus, I'm not sure I'm ready for such an intense session." She replied, more to herself than to the other young woman in the room. Her servant realizing the not so subtle innuendo blushed. "Regardless," She continued. "I prefer the older one, with black hair, such a masculine man he is. It is a pity his friend is so young though. But I have rules after all, can't be breaking it, No young boys for pets."

"What should we do with the other one, Princess?"

"Do as you wish with him," She replied dismissively. "On second thought," Princess Snake stopped herself and turned towards her waiting servant who was grasping the front end of her dress rubbing her thighs together provocatively. "You girls deserve a reward for being such good servants. Be gentle now. From his nervous gaze I'd say he's a virgin."

The tint of the assistants blush didn't go unnoticed to the Princess. "Yes Milady."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Unexpectedly, the leisurely descent turned to panic when they saw a black floor coming up to meet them. Both warriors braced themselves to minimize the impact but were thrown off when the floor opened abruptly from under them, which, lead to both figures to fall in a piled heap. Limbs were flayed in several directions; face planted on the ground, and butts raised high in the air.

They both groaned in discomfort-well Naruto did anyways-and tried to get a handle on situation. Naruto looked up slowly, still feeling the pain course through his body took longer than necessary in doing so, but was amazed in seeing Goku beginning to stand up.

A gong was heard which made both Goku and Naruto turn their heads towards the occupant in the room quickly. She literally stood in front of them and was looking away towards two massive doors. "Summon the Princess, we have visitors." She said, she was clothed in a provocative dress that accentuated areas on her body more than they should have been. In the chaos of their fall Goku was already standing staring with a bewildered look at the woman and Naruto's eyes remained situated on her hind quarters.

Naruto slowly began to lift himself from floor he plastered his face in, but was surprised when he was suddenly lifted from the ground and straightened by Goku. The young woman moved and stood beside them. Seeing as the woman wasn't going to say anything to them yet he decided to breach the silence. "Hey…miss how about.."

The gong in her hand was raised abruptly. Not soon after those words were uttered the gong was rung again, loudly. Naruto clapped a hand to his ear. His head was already drumming by the fall this only made the matter worst. "Her Highness has arrived!" She said, with a happy smile on her face to boot.

Goku and Naruto both turned away from the servant with the gong and turned to the leading woman coming their way. Both individuals had equal dumb struck looks on their faces, mouth agapes in wonder. "Whoa," Goku started. "King Kai's a woman?"

She was beautiful, the very word paled in comparison to describe the woman standing before them. She stopped a few feet away her two servants also halting in perfect harmony with their mistress. Goku was first to speak. "Sure enough…and cute too."

Ever the observant one, Naruto simply thought, but was taken back when the regal woman in front of them blushed crimson and returned a bashful smile. "Oh my, aren't you bold." Naruto stared wide eyed at the woman. She was fidgeting like a love struck young girl. He'd seen it in the actions of Sakura and Ino enough times to learn when a girl was interested in a guy.

'You gotta be kidding me.'

"Oh sorry your highness," Goku said bowing in respect and scratching the back of his head nervously. "Me and my friend came to study with you if that's okay?"

Naruto was too stunned to even utter a word, to add more confusion to this encounter he barely caught the words of her servants waiting behind her.

"Look at her highness, wow, I haven't seen her so keen about a guest since King Yama dropped by."

"Oh what a hunk of a man," the Princess replied. She clasped her hands together and stared dreamily at the ceiling. The blush deepening with every second, "It's hard to believe a thousand years has gone by since then."

Naruto stared wide eyed at the people in front of them and Goku finally absorbing the unattended information blurted out his intelligent response. "Oh, really?"

"Whoops," realizing their own mistake they covered their mouths in sync to one another.

"Oh, well, hey, the real reason we came here was to receive your training and help my friends." Naruto felt at this point like a child forgotten in this mess. He hadn't spoken a word since she appeared and Goku, his companion, ended up becoming the mediator for them. Feeling kind of useless he was about to say something but was cut off quickly by the beautiful woman before them. He started to get the feeling the princess was trying to ignore him.

"Oh, training," she replied, with a bit a wonder in her tone, but reading into the wrong signals she covered her face with a shawl blushing profusely behind it. "I'm flattered. Girls please take mister…um"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Ah, Right," she retorted without missing a beat waved a hand finishing her train of thought. "Anyways, please escort Mister Uzumaki to his quarters."

He was right. He was being ignored she was practically sending him away to get more acquainted with Goku. Man, what a blow to his manhood. He couldn't even argue when two girls both appeared at his sides and took his arms leading him away from the hall.

The blond haired shinobi looked behind him and saw Princess Snake walk right up to Goku and take his hand. He wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it but Goku and this woman were dancing across the floor. Too stunned for words he followed wordlessly alongside his escorts. He could hear laughter coming from the woman but not even reaching the end of the hall an unexpected resounding crash echoed the room.

His escorts both turned at the exact same time and were stunned beyond words. Naruto turning in the direction of the noise, his heart thudded when he saw the woman lying flat on her back with her legs spread eagled in front him. Nothing was left to the imagination. The dress was riding high on her thighs, underwear-if you can even call them that-were revealed to the world to see. He knew his nose was bleeding and the drool hanging from his lips was all part of it.

Goku's only reply to the situation was, "Wow, I didn't know that King Kai was so weak."

The blond haired jinchuuriki shook his head trying to knock some sense into to his skull before he died of blood loss or bodily fluids for the matter and ran towards Goku. He stood before him and couldn't help but scream. "What the hell happened?"

Goku looked down at him and simply began, "Well, I thought we were training, King Kai was moving around with me in circles and doing some cool techniques. She even said I could lead next time so I started to think she was testing me. So I made my move…King Kai…"

"That's not King Kai! She's Princess Snake!" One of the servants with forest green hair yelled. "She won the other world beauty contest and she's known for her beauty all over the land!"

Realizing his mistake Goku bowed apologizing. "Gosh, I'm sorry I thought you were King Kai. Well…we'll be leaving now sorry for the trouble."

"Dude that's so messed up," Naruto whispered when they began walking towards the doors that supposedly lead to the exit. "You sweep her off her feet, literally I may add, and you dump her. Harsh…"

"We got to get on path…we don't have time to waste…Chichi and Gohan."

Naruto placed a hand on Goku's shoulder making the Saiyan turn in his direction. Naruto simply smiled. "I get it. I was just joking."

When they started reaching halfway towards the door the woman now known as Princess Snake called to them. "Oh, don't go please. Stay awhile." She finished, she walked towards them with her servants in tow. Both Naruto and Goku turned towards her.

"We're kind of in a hurry Ma'am." Goku answered for the both of them. Naruto looked at the Saiyan and saw the seriousness radiate off his frame when he made the statement.

"Aw, at least stay for dinner." She replied, with a final stand looking on with pleading eyes.

"Huh? dinner?" Goku responded absentmindedly, when a large growl rang around the hall. Not even a second after Naruto's stomach gurgled at the same time. He clutched at his treacherous stomach.

"Dinner doesn't sound half bad." The Saiyan replied, momentarily shocking Naruto when Goku was so serious seconds ago, "We'll take off once we chow down."

"Oh marvelous!" The Princess exclaimed. She turned towards her remaining servants waiting at her beck and ordered them to their tasks. "Girls I want you to prepare a banquet fit for a King."

"Yes!" They all replied together.

"Um…I guess, we'll stay," The blond haired junchuuriki mumbled, scratching the back of his head. Seeing that the matter was resolved, he gave a tentative smile when two women grasped his arms on both sides leading him away.

"Come with me Goku," She said happily and held his arm pulling him towards what he assumed was the dining area. She led him to a table where Naruto was already seated and settled the Saiyan at the end of the table. "Make yourself comfortable. You may use the baths at the other end of hall to clean yourselves up. Dinner will be ready in an hour. I'll be back by then." With those words she walked away from the table and disappeared from the room leaving Goku and Naruto the only occupants in the vicinity.

"They seem nice…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

During Goku and Naruto's eventful conversation, in the kitchenette the women were busily cooking for their Princess's guests, gossiping all the while.

"Apparently the Princess is really enamored by this one." A blond haired servant said cutting a portion of onions.

"Which one? The blonde or the black haired one?"

"The black haired one silly," The blond haired servant replied once again.

"I hear he's just adorable." One of the green haired woman replied. All of the women in the Kitchen giggled in union of a joke only they understood. The moment of jest was stopped when the Princess appeared before them in the kitchen announcing her plans for her guests.

"Girls it's been so electrifying having a man around, well, I should be saying men…anyways I would like to keep them around a little longer." She looked on with a secretive smile arising on her lips. "Get it, our guests won't be leaving. You'll make sure of that won't you?"

"Sure, no problem my lady, I got some sleepy grass. I'll just grind them up and put'em in the soup broth." She yawned dramatically and lightly fell on her work table feigning sleep, while talking in a drawl. "And he'll fall asleep just like a little baby."

"It's a little crude but it sounds like it should work. Alright good."

"Ma'am is it still alright to take the blond one for ourselves?" The Princess heard the note of pleading in her tone and she watched across the room the eager faces each of her servants had. She only smiled in response. It has been awhile.

"Yes, you may have him. I already have my sights on Goku and nothing will stop me from getting my prize."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm telling mother about this!" a short blue skinned man screamed at two enormous pair of life forms in the distance. The two figures laughed loudly in return patting each other on the back and pointing at him all the awhile. Both figures were of strong stature with massive muscles bulging from their arms, one being completely blue while the other one was the color of blood.

"Go tell mummy you little runt, maybe this time she'll tell you to grow a pair." One of the oni responded slapping his knee for emphasis.

"Good one Goz," the one next to him replied. "Damn, mama's boy!"

"Screw you guys!" Bob finished turning away from his brethren and left them still laughing at his expense. He looked down and whispered under his breathe, 'Nothing wrong in being a momma's boy.'

"Hey Bob, tell Ma we'll be home by next week! We gotta spend more time together. We miss ya little bro. Hehe." The red oni responded.

Bob sighed. He hated his two older brothers with a vengeance. Goz and Mez. Both of them major pains in the asses, since the day he was born. Bumbling idiots that thought every little thing was a game. Each one had a certain gift that enabled them to get such an upstanding job, while, he, the mutt of the bunch received the most messed up job in the business, errand boy. _What fun…_

"See ya small fry. Don't fall down Snake way again!" Both Goz and Mez high fived each other and turned away from their younger brother, beginning to walk way from him.

"Bastards," Bob yelled out. "Bunch of faggots and your tight shirts."

"What you say you little shit!" Goz retorted both brothers' eyes were blazing with their clubs in hand readying to swing. Finding this his qui Bob took off running at the other direction away from his fuming brothers. He could hear in the distance calling him. "We'll get you at home!" He raised his clubs to emphasize his action. Turning away he grasped his shirt. "You really think these shirts make us look like faggots?"

"No, he's just jealous of us." Mez replied smugly. "Anyways, let's go we got those dates with the Wart sisters."

"Oh I can't wait to play with Scira's wart hair. We're so badass."

"Hehe, yea…let's go."

Bob began to slow in his trek when he figured his brothers stopped following him. Plus, he was already at his destination there was no other place to head to. He looked at the seedy bar where he'd heard the woman known as Fortune Teller Baba frequented when she wanted to sucker some lackeys at her beck. But he hesitated in stepping into the bar.

An unwanted memory passed through his mind. He'd been to places like this before.

Big brutes frequented these places and most of them were possessive of their things. He almost got a smoking hot succubus to come home a year back, but it ended badly and he found out later she was tricking him in the end. Bitch. It was a beating of a lifetime. Shaking himself out of his reverie he spit to the side holstered his cap, fixed his trousers and took a step into the seedy bar.

It reeked of booze and sweat, no different at home he supposed. He tried to remain quiet looking for the very short woman and her crystal ball. Not even a minute into the scene he'd found her seated at the far corner of the room drinking something black and smoky. She was speaking to someone already and she seemed occupied at the moment. He seated himself close to the figures and concluded it was better to wait than interrupt their discussion and create an altercation of any kind.

He bought himself a drink to blend in with his surroundings. Time stood still and by the third drink he knew he was buzzed. Butt ugly woman began to look like Princess Snake. And she was so damn hot you'd bust a nut the moment you even looked at her.

He knew he was smiling stupidly at these women. He found himself flirting with them with suggestive glances and slurred lines. Did one of them just flash him? Bob shook his head from side to side; he rubbed the palm of his hand on his eye trying to refocus his blurry vision. When he opened them a woman appeared before him. Without any hesitation he reached with outstretched hands smacking his lips together. "Come give me a kiss."

The next moment he was sent careening over the bar and breaking every bottle in his fall. He landed roughly on the ground, the bartender-ignoring him-walked over him and thinking he'd died kicked him for good measure. Bob groaned in response.

"Bob are you ready to tell me the reason you're here." The Fortune Teller said from the other side. He lifted himself slowly from his position and looked over the railing there he saw the smallish woman on top of her beloved crystal ball. She looked expectedly at him. "Well?"

The blue skinned man groaned even louder at his pain. Righting himself he took a glass and filled it from the bar tab to the brim and began to drink his fill. The bartender was too busy to have noticed his merchandise being swiped right under his nose. "Yea," he slurred a bit, trying to ignore the throbbing pain that was felt…all over his body. "Caca wanted me to tell ya something, hehe..."

"You mean Goku," she corrected. He began to laugh for no apparent reason.

"Right, Cacu"

"Well?"

"He says to tell Roshi not to bring them back until the day the Saiyans are supposed to arrive," He was slurring his words heavily and it was hard for Baba to decipher them. She leaned in closer trying to hear the oni more clearly.

"Them?"

"Cacu and Narubo," Bob said, smiling all the while.

"Narubo?"

"No, no you're saying it all wrong it's Naruto"

Fortune teller baba's eyes widened hearing the name. She hopped on to one of the barstools and looked at her crystal ball. A white mist clouded over the ball and slowly began to reveal a figure with blond hair running from the women's bath with Goku in tow. Both buck naked and blushing women in between them trying to explain something. An odd sight to look into…well not one she was accustomed to anyways.

Either way, all that mattered was he had arrived. The Kyuubi boy.

She looked up at Bob, "Thank you Bob I'll tell the others." Hearing the agreement he nodded sluggishly the very action almost making the young oni fall on his ass. "…Are you going to be fine?"

"Yup," he said happily with a large mug of whatever concoction he'd created behind the bar. He began to walk towards the exit. "No worries."

She waited for awhile and mischievous smile began to appear on her crinkled face. "Oh Bob." She began the smile ever growing. "Where are you going?"

Bob stopped in his trek and looked behind him. The blue skinned man shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Where's my kiss?"

He was sober the minute the mug hit the floor and was gone the second she finished her sentence. Speed of light couldn't hold a candle to his speed that day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Your dinner is served," Princess Snake said, trying hard to hide the blush covering her face. Both her guests' eyes lit up at the mention of food. Goku and Naruto were left speechless when a row of women entered the dining area carrying plates of food, each of them spreading the meal across the large table. "There's brazed crocodile head, roasted turkey, Mussels of Gretan, and many other choices for your eating pleasure."

"Wow, where do we start," Naruto asked, he looked across the enticing food choices. He looked over at Goku and too his horror he'd already begun eating his fill. Naruto not one to be outdone started gobbling his portion of the meals placed before him. The women in the room stared in a mix sense of awe and disgust watching these men eat with such abandonment and no conduct they just couldn't take their eyes away from the spectacle.

It was like a car crash...a car crash involving a bus, a sixteen wheeler, several dozen molotov explosives, flying limbs an old woman and a Chihuahua.

Goku not even finishing his part of the meal looked up at the orange haired woman and asked with his mouth full, "Are you sure you don't want some of it?"

"No dear, we're fine," the orange haired woman answered politely. Princess Snake looked at her servants expectantly wondering when the sleepy grass was going to take affect, but the way both Naruto and Goku were eating the spiked food didn't seem to be affecting them at all. Passing knowing glances they offered their own portion of food. "Goku, why don't you have mine? I'm so full."

"Full," Naruto questioned, with a huge mouth full of food. He was spitting some of it across the table without even noticing. "You haven't even touched your food."

"Well thanks," Goku cut off taking the meals on her side of the table bringing it to his own. He began to eat as soon as he got all the plates on his side of the table. The blond haired shinobi began to notice his own section running low on food and started to take plates from Goku's side every so often. Not even a minute or two had past when both warriors slumped against their chairs and belched with satisfaction.

"Man, that hit the spot," Naruto said, reclining back on his chair. He yawned unexpectedly feeling an unknown wave of drowsiness over come him. The young shinobi stared blearily to his companion who had a large smile on his face. "Are you getting sleepy Goku?" Naruto asked, trying hard to stay awake. "Feels like the whole room is spinning and I," He began to stand up but he didn't get halfway when he collapsed on the chair behind him, leaving him snoring lightly.

"Girls can you take Naruto to his room, please," the orange haired woman cut in quickly.

"Thanks for everything Princess," Goku said, getting himself up and beginning to walk towards Naruto. He leaned down and hoisted him up on his shoulders. "But you don't have to worry about Naruto Ma'm we'll be leaving now."

"So soon, _girls_" Princess Snake whispered to her servants. Obviously to think of something quickly to make Goku stay, to let the sleepy grass take effect. Naruto was already under the heavy dose he was drooling all over Goku's back. Women started to appear in front of Goku blocking his path towards the exit. "Please, you haven't even had dessert. Kylie." She whispered to her servant beside her.

"Yes…dessert."

"No, thank you, we really need to go," he began his trek towards the exit once again, but was stopped by Princess Snake's servants. "But I have to go. You don't understand my family and all my friends are counting on me to make it back to earth in time."

"Then at least allow us to perform a sacred dance in honor of your family and friends." One of the servants announced. Goku didn't have time to consider it when the middle of the hall began to open up and a pedestal started to rise in the middle of it. Two female warriors stood on top with broadswords in each hand.

"Yes, this is the ritual dance of good family fortune." Without realizing they took Naruto off his shoulders and seated him in a chair that seemed to have materialized out of nowhere. "We'll take your friend here. Enjoy the show."

"Well I guess I'll watch it."

"Goodie, I'll go make you a fresh squeezed cup of juice."

Goku sat watching these beautiful women moving their swords in sync that made it hypnotizing to watch. A minute had passed by when a servant returned with a glass full of juice. "Here you go fresh juice."

"Hey, thanks," taking the glass from the tray he downed the drink in one go. He let a content sigh escape him. "That was good." He turned away from the woman and resumed watching the ritual dance take place. The servant looked expectantly at the Saiyan and couldn't believe her eyes.

_Who is this guy? How can he stay awake after eating and drinking all that sleepy grass?_ The drink had enough dosage to knock out a full grown elephant. She stared worriedly at her mistress. She didn't have to wait long when Goku's eyes began to droop. He rubbed his eyes to rid of the drowsiness but watching the dance and not counting the drug in his system he was fighting a losing battle. His head began to droop here and there until he couldn't raise his head anymore and let his head drop back. He snored loudly to let the occupants of the room to know he was asleep.

"He should be out for three days after all that."

"He's extraordinary isn't he?" Princess Snake questioned, staring in wonder at her little pet.

"Yes, I've never seen anything like him."

"And yet he's so simple and sweet. Oh I've never had a pet like him before." She began to comb his hair with her hands with a look of adoration on her face. Goku seemed to shy away from her touch and began to mutter intangible words.

"Hmm, I think he's dreaming. Quick bring the dream mirror," Princess Snake ordered, one of her servants came to her side with an oval shaped mirror in hand. "If you want to learn about a man just watch his dreams."

"ChiChi…Gohan."

Within seconds the mirror began to conjure an image of a young black haired woman with her young son in tow. They were waving happily and beckoning Goku towards them. The orange haired woman scowled at the sight. "Now I'm jealous who is this woman and kid?"

"Well it must be the family he was talking about earlier."

A sad look appeared on the young princess' visage, she looked down at Goku and combed through his hair once again. "This one is too devoted to tame." She said sadly, "Such a shame," but her mood changed quickly. Fangs appeared on her person and slitted eyes stared from them. "I guess I'll just eat him in the end."

"Pleeeaasssse...save us some."

"Yes, please share. I know we let King Yama escape but that was a long time ago and he's the only one that ever got away."

"No," Princess Snake commanded harshly. "I gave you your personal pet. Goku is mine."

Realizing their mistress was dead serious in the matter they backed away from their pray and headed to wherever their slave was being tended, leaving the Princess and Goku alone. "Why must you young men fall foolishly in love so hardily. Well it's no matter this day is your last…You're mine."

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AN: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Please review.


	4. You Cockblocking Bastard!

AN: Enjoy the Chapter.

Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys  
By: drag-eart and Ld 1449

Chapter 4: You Cockblocking Bastard!

"So who gets to go first…"

"I will, I'm the oldest after all…"

"Bullshit, being the oldest doesn't mean anything I'm the favorite."

"What you do in Princess' room doesn't automatically make you the favorite, you little…."

"What me and the Princess do is our business…"

"Mm-hm…well you won't be anymore with her new pet."

_'Why wouldn't they shut up_' Naruto thought. Almost an hour of bickering and still they couldn't come to a resolution. He didn't know what these women wanted with him or to do with him for the matter. But the constant argument was beginning to give him a splitting headache. It was just like in his gennin days. Sakura and Ino.

"No, I will always be her favorite…"

"Hah, in your dreams…have you seen Goku she won't even remember your name by the end of the day. I guarantee you."

"Don't be jealous you…"

He couldn't move a muscle, but he was apparently left in a semi-conscious state, for some reason. Was it because he was dead maybe?

Hey wait...if he was dead then how the hell could he be poisoned? Didn't poison need to function Biologically? As in living flesh and cells. Was there special poison for spirits? What was with people and wanting to kill each other...

Now that he thought about it...what would happen if he died right now? Would he just disappear or something? That would really-

With a jerk, he shook himself out of his current train of thought, trying to focus on what was happening...though...in reality he didn't know why. They were still arguing.

Not able to move any part of his body and left to the whims of these bickering women was hell. He'd heard stories from Jiraiya about being in this kind of situation before but at the time he guessed the old letch was telling him the truth when he told him it was one of the greatest and wildest experiences of his life. Lying old fart, this was not fun. For the past half hour he'd been trying to wiggle his big toe.

"Oh will both of you shut up, we're wasting precious time the Princess may call upon us at any moment. We should have our fun before we have to return."

"Yes, you're probably right."

"Well he's already prepared should we get started."

Naruto laid rigid trying desperately to fight off the drugs in his system. He clenched his closed eyelids and strained everything to be able to move. But to no avail was he able to do anything, he remained motionless like a heavy rock sunk in a river. He couldn't feel anything happening around him, and he still wasn't sure what they were doing for the matter.

"He's already lathered and oiled."

"Let's play janken then and see who goes first."

"Alright, is everyone ready? One, two, three…"

"Yes! Me first I'll be the first to have a taste."

He waited for something to happen; not even a second passed when slowly he began to feel the touch and indents of their fingers pressing on his skin. They walked up towards his chest tentative and sharp. The women talked in low whispers tickling his body with their warm breathe. At first he didn't pay much heed of what they were doing he was just happy he could feel at all and their touch. But what happened next was something he'd never experienced before in his life. The suddenness of the said experienced caused him to spring up from his current position.

"What the Fuck!" Naruto yelled out. He looked around him meeting the eyes of four surprised women spread around his form. A light nibble drew his eyes down at the wide eyed figure of one of the women who looked like she was latched on his nipple. "What the hell are _you_ doing?"

"Having a taste of you," She said simply, trailing a hand across his stomach.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Naruto said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Princess Snake watched with mild interest, as Goku grimaced and shook his head from side to side trying to ward off sleep. Curious, she pulled the mirror of dreams once again and looked inside his mind. The mirror slowly began to materialize again, this time showing his two loved ones in a house, the young woman teaching the small boy.

But not so long after a loud crash resonated the room and both occupants looked towards the kicked in door, seeing two figures fill the door frame. Their evil chuckles filled the vicinity of the area, as the woman pulled her son close to her body and watched with horror as they neared.

_Where's Daddy…_

Chichi held the boy tightly shielding him as she screamed when both figures attacked.

Goku woke with a start, hitting the mirror with his head, sending the contraption towards a nearby wall shattering it in pieces. Princess Snake moved back tripping over her long dress and falling on her rump. Her features turned instantly back into her original persona watching as the Saiyan looked frantically around him.

"What," He breathed, "Chichi? Gohan?" He stopped, exhaling a sigh of relief realizing the situation he was in, and seeing the Princess on the floor with servants starting to appear by her side. "Oh, I was dreaming," shaking his head from side to side, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "I don't even remember dozing off."

"Fool," Princess Snake said venomously. "You said three days. Bah."

"Oops?" the servant said dumbly.

"Oh man, I forgot I need to get going," Goku said, beginning to turn away from the women.

"Why Goku? I-I'm sure Chichi and Gohan are fine," Princess Snake replied, putting a comforting hand on the Saiyan's chest.

"Hey, that's strange," Goku said suspiciously, his voice deepening. "My wife and my son, who told you their names?" Goku's demeanor grew cold and irritated as he walked away from her touch.

"O-oh, why you did, at dinner" she said, a bit shaken by Goku's change.

"No I didn't" He replied with conviction, keeping his back turned. "I would've remembered. Now where is Naruto?" He commanded, stopping to look for him.

"Darn You," Princess Snake said sharply, she hissed as she transformed into her demon self. Goku feeling the room change under a different pressure he turned around quickly getting into a defensive position. He watched with a bewildered expression as the Princess and her servants were turned completely.

"Stay away from me," Goku threatened. "All of you." Raising his right arm in front of him, he curved two fingers, while his left arm was pulled back rendering his body in a crouch. He waited for any kind of attack that would follow to give him a better position to defend all sides when they began to surround him.

Princess Snake laughed mockingly, "You're already much deeper than you think." She hissed, her tongue slithering passed her lips. "You fool, it's true I wasn't able to deceive your heart, but your eyes," She said, pointing her fingers in the direction of his eyes. "What about your eyes? Have they been deceived?" Princess snake laughed manically before she raised her arm and disappeared instantly along with her servants in tow.

Goku looked on all sides and watched with morbid fascination as the building slowly began to blend in together. The colors commingling with one another, he clenched his hands by his side realizing the colors close in around him before disappearing completely revealing the true nature of the vicinity. He was left stunned. "Oh no…I'm in…"

"In a Snake," A voice interrupted, laughing uncontrollably, "You're in the belly of a snake. My belly." Goku's eyes widened when he looked down to see a liquid begin to cover his shoes entirely, he pulled his leg with difficulty from the pungent odor. "Oh, I almost forgot to mention, watch out for my indigestive juices. They're hot enough to melt even the toughest of men."

"Woah," he hopped from one foot to another, trying not sizzle from existence. He avoided the acid as best as possible but watched when a large drop fell from the upper cavern of the stomach and land right on his shoulder. The liquid burned through the material quickly. "Oh man, no joke. Time to Vamoose."

But a certain yell stopped him from going anywhere. Through all the commotion he'd forgotten his comrade in the process. "Stupid." Goku said, smacking his forehead before flying deeper into the belly of the Snake.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Home_

Gohan watched happily at his home. He finally made it. Through everything he went through the hardships he'd faced in the wild. From robots, dinosaurs, hunger, the sea, labor, and the most recent adventure, having a run in with his orphan friends. He made it.

He could see the silhouette of his mother sitting, and then stand up completely, walking towards his study books and place the palm of her hand on it. A picture flew in the air slowly descending in front of her, before being caught swiftly. The young Saiyan smiled happily seeing his mother after all this time. He took a step towards the direction of his home, but was stopped when voices and faces passed across his mind.

_So what's your mom like Gohan?_

_I think it's great that you have a home_

_Keep it up, huh? There's a whole world out there _

His newly formed friendships. His friends, who he left behind. Being put in the care of the social workers who were looking for them. His eyes widened seeing the whole scene flash across his eyes once again. It damn near broke his heart seeing the betrayal on the orphan's faces as Pigoro, their hero, left them behind.

He didn't understand it.

He cried then. Watching the scene unfold as he found himself being driven away in a car by Pigoro. When they'd stopped, he had asked frantically why, what was the reason to leave them. But he was punched, giving Pigoro time to speak. His words were cryptic, but understandable, Pigoro's eyes watered from the pain he felt leaving the orphans.

He gave up. Pigoro, their leader, couldn't give them a better life than what they were given. He wasn't strong enough to protect them or keep them from harm. But by leaving them under someone stronger, capable, with a round of resources, he'd reasoned, was a better decision for the orphans. He had to do what's best, even if it meant not having them around him anymore. He did it for them.

Gohan took a step back realizing the magnitude of Pigoro's actions and what the words meant. It hit home in the young Saiyan's mind. His heart tightened, finally understanding the meaning behind his sacrifice. _I can't go home now. The whole world is counting on me to defend them against the Saiyans.' _Gohan thought, turning his eyes towards his mother, he smiled. He had to do the same. "Don't worry mom." He turned away completely and ran from his mom, and his home. His eyes watered with the tears falling like rain across his cheeks being swept up in the wind. "I'll be home soon."

He continued running, running from his mom, running away from the safety of his home on his own accord. He wasn't being forced, he had decided on this step on his own. The young Saiyan unexpectedly felt a growing pride within his chest. Gohan wiped the tears from his eyes when he finally stopped. The air surrounded his small frame, the garden's roses being swept in the whirlwind. The petals dancing across his face. He turned in the direction of the sudden rise in ki and saw familiar cape billowing in the evening air.

The tall form of his teacher standing on a small cliff above his position, his arms crossed in front him. "You've been through a lot Kid, but here is where you decide." The Namekian said, his eyes staring intensely at the young Saiyan. "To train or go home."

Gohan looked on remaining quiet. His decision already made up when he left behind his home. Leaving behind his world, to accept a new one. A world his father fought every day in his life to protect. To keep everyone in this world safe and happy. Sacrifice…

Piccolo watched his pupil remain quiet, but the tremors he felt in the vicinity was all the answer he needed when the young Saiyan looked up with eyes determined and on fire. He sneered, realizing the abilities of this young boy could be limitless. "What is your mission, Gohan?" He questioned already knowing the answers. This boy was the future. From the moment he laid eyes on Goku's son, he knew he was destined to be great. The only question was how far was the boy willing to go…and how to get him there. "Say it."

"To prepare for the Saiyans," Gohan said. "To fight," He let the sentence ring in the air before turning in the direction of Piccolo. His face set in a determined expression, eyes hard as stone, fists tightly clenched, he continued. "And defend the Earth."

A silence settled between both warriors. Piccolo remained rooted in place, never moving a single muscle. The same being said of the younger Saiyan.

Piccolo smirked, "Let's go back."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chichi sadly watched the two loves of her life in the same picture. Her husband and her young son. Goku and Gohan. She sighed wistfully, letting her head drop on her hand which she had placed over her sons books and waited. Always waiting…

But a sudden jolt shocked her when she heard her sons voice ring in her mind, she turned towards the direction of the forest. Her spirits lifted, she watched with an anxious expression, but all she saw was the endless forest. Her smile faltered for a bit when five minutes had passed, but she held the picture more tightly in her hand.

She knew they would come home soon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'Where was he?' The Saiyan thought, looking from side to side heading deeper into the stomach of the snake. He avoided the pungent acid falling from the ceiling by zigzagging in different directions. The deeper he went, the smell of the liquid grew stronger. He reached a point where had to hold his breath, to not cough up a storm in the process. When all hope was but lost, he caught the movement. He quickly looked in the direction and saw Naruto covered whole in some kind of gel thing, slowly sliding down the snake towards the creatures stomach acids.

His face the only thing that could be seen smiling happily as he was being eaten alive….

"Woah," Naruto simply said. As the Princess' servants each stood up and dropped their flimsy robes down to their ankles. He gripped the sheets as they revealed their unblemished skins, wild hair cascading down their shoulders resting on their lower back. Naruto gave a gulp when they reached in front of them to unhook their lingerie. Ample bosoms were all he could see. But all the women stopped from taking it off completely when one of the servants came forth.

"Hold on, why don't we let him choose who he wants, that way…he can take it all off. We don't want to scare the poor boy."

All the women in the room nodded in agreement and turned their gazes towards Naruto, watching with expecting eyes. Giving poses that were unsuitable for the eyes of minors….Especially him. Damn it! Each women gave him a come hither look, exuding pheromones that were hard to ignore. They were more beautiful than the last, curvaceous, buxom, long and lean legs that seemed to go on forever. The flimsy underwear not leaving anything to the imagination of what lied under them.

He couldn't talk. It was if his mouth was glued shut and he could only mumble in return. In all seriousness, he was still bringing himself down after the initial…_first taste. _Unconsciously, he rubbed the spot where he was a bitten. He could still feel their fingertips leaving searing marks across his skin when they undressed him. His pants the only material left on his person….for now.

"Close your eyes and choose. "

"Please Hurry," Naruto quickly closed his eyes. He felt every woman in the room moving around him each one bending over and whispering dirty deeds he could practice if he chose them. A round went by and he still hadn't chosen. The women grew desperate as time went by and pushed the boundary…provoking the young jinchuuriki.

"I want you Naruto. Give me a taste…" her voice like velvet through one ear and staying put inside. Her mouth hovered over his own feeling her hot breathe against his. She smirked and gently brushed a hand along his chest before moving away.

Others more literal and to the point.

"I can rock your world baby," came another woman, licking gingerly across his cheek making sure to press up her bosom firmly against his body before chuckling with Naruto's reaction. But the next woman that stood before him trapped his mind in her whims. Talking with just the right amount of lilt in her voice.

"I'm the one you want Naruto…by the time I'm through with you. You won't know what's up from down." Naruto's eyes slowly opened then, and his gaze rested on the last woman who gave that claim.

All coherent thought truly left him when this…woman…stared right at him. She topped them all. Woman you only see in books, mags, and TV, almost impossible to find. Smiling with a twisted glee she announced proudly, "I win." The other women stared dejectedly but remained rooted watching as she took her prize. The voluptuous woman put her hands on the foot of the bed giving a smile of pure sin.

The young jinchuuriki gulped loudly, when she began to crawl towards him. Slowly, moving across his body, making damn sure to give him an ample view of her barely constrained boobs straining against the flimsy material. Every move towards him her assets moved slightly, almost, hypnotically. Drool fell passed his lips not even realizing it, until she did the unthinkable.

She grabbed his hand, in her own, and used his finger to wipe it gently. She brought it close to her lips, planting small kisses at first on his index finger before she put it in her mouth and swallowed it whole. He watched in amazement as her skillful tongue lapped across his finger, he wasn't fooling anyone, he was hard a long, long time ago. The one that did it, was when she gave the finger a slight suck and looked directly into his eyes.

She only smiled in kind when she climbed on top of him. He wanted to be smooth and nonchalance about this, but really what the hell was he supposed to do. He was rendered useless when she whispered in his ear. "Relax."

He closed his eyes waiting for whatever to happen. But door suddenly opened and in came a tumbling Goku. "Naruto! Come on! We're gonna Die!" He hurried right over and picked him up throwing him across his shoulders as if he was simply a rag doll. Naruto watched the women look on with sad eyes and spread open legs…

It took Naruto a moment to actually register what was going on, but when he did, his struggles held the ferocity of an animal as he kicked, punched, clawed and damn near tried to tear Goku apart. Fighting through the weakness of the drug as if it were rice paper "You cockblocking bastard! Let me go," screamed the blond, trying to elbow Goku in the back of the head.

"Hey quit it, we've got to get the hell out of here." Goku tried to get out trying to withstand the barrage Naruto feebly threw from his back. He began rise before speeding off in the direction of the exit, at least he hoped was the exit, the young jinchuuriki still screaming obscenities to his back.

"I swear, I'll Kill You, Damn you," Naruto hollered. Goku continued on, trying to avoid the acid falling from the ceilings and at the same time avoiding the elbows being thrown to smash into his skull.

He narrowly dodged an unsuspecting drop of acid by falling with it to avoid it completely. Goku regained his momentum finally seeing the light to the exit appearing. They were nearing the clearing till a burned material filled his nostrils with acrid smoke.

Eerily, even Naruto-who was thrashing minutes ago-hung over Goku's shoulder quietly.

"Goku," Naruto said.

"Yea," Goku replied.

"Is my ass on fire?" the blond said indifferently.

"Yes"

"Damn you! NOW I'M ON FIRE!" Naruto yelled. Patting his ass trying to put out the flames. He heard more hissing when he turned around to see Goku putting out the fire with his spit and patting the flame with his hand.

There was silence on the blond's part for a brief moment. Moistening his lips as if taking more time to speak would make the disturbing scene vanish altogether.

Alas...it didn't...

"Goku what are you doing."

"Putting out the fire." Goku said, smiling as he continued.

It was then Naruto decided, that this day could simply...not get any worse...there was no way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Goku finally crossed the threshold turning around to see the huge Snake snap its mouth shut. Naruto still hanging dumbly on his shoulder, his ass still smoking from the flame. "Phew that was close," Goku said wiping the invisible sweat from his brow with a free hand. But was momentarily stunned when the snake followed suit.

"You Rat!" She drew closer gliding across the air heading towards them. Goku shouldered Naruto in a more comfortable position before flying faster in a different direction. He could feel its venomous breath drawing closer.

The snake opened its mouth breathing fire that was sent forth to scorch them. Goku quickly avoided as best he could but didn't escape unscathed, part of his clothing was singed in the process. "That's it, she's asking for it." Goku turned around ready to attack but in doing so accidentally knocked Naruto off his shoulder.

"You idiot! I hate you." Naruto hollered, falling down from the air.

"Oh man! Sorry!" Goku said, but didn't have time to help when she attacked again.

"Woah!" The Saiyan yelled out, quickly dodging another breath of flames heading his way. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Naruto land on one of the outcroppings of Snake way. He staggered for a few minutes, trying to find his legs, but lost his footing landing in a heap, the young jinchuuriki still under the effects of the sleepy grass.

Coming to a quick conclusion, he readied his hands in a familiar way speaking his desired words. "Ka-Me-Ha-Me…wait…" the Saiyan stopped abruptly. "I can't destroy her, she gave me that nice meal," Goku remembered, when they fed him all that food that was absolutely delicious. But reminiscing now…what exactly were they eating anyways? They were, after all, eating in a belly of a snake.

Goku shook off his wandering thoughts, he ate their food, he affirmed firmly, and therefore, had to find a different solution to his predicament. "Hey how about we call it truce. All I really want is to get back on the road to see King Kai…"

"You Dolt. I'll chase you for an eternity if I have to," She said, before breathing another trail of fire towards the black haired saiyan.

"Woah, I gotta think of something quick." Goku said, flying a little higher to give him a bit of leverage, but was struck with an idea instantly. " I know," the Saiyan answered his own question swiftly rising higher in the air, the snake quickly following suit.

Goku quickly dived, making sure the snake followed in his every step. The black haired saiyan drifted in different directions, looping and zigzagging making the snake entangle itself in its own long frame. When the snake almost reached Goku it was unexpectedly pulled back roughly. It was left in the end in a tangle mess, reminding Goku of a pretzel.

"Got ya," Goku smiled triumphantly. "Bye. Love to stay. But it looks like you're all tied up."

"Lame…" Naruto replied, still faced down on the pavement. "Now fuckin help me. Damn you!"

Goku quickly glided down and scooped Naruto on to his shoulder. They flew from the giant snake who kept bellowing obscenities and what seemed like a number and a 'call me please' left in its wake, both heavily ignored. They were flying for a few minutes before Goku broke the silence and turned to Naruto.

"So what were you dreaming back there? Was it good?"

"Fuck you Goku."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Somewhere along the line. Krillin was certain the day had taken a weird turn somewhere. He wasn't sure where. But somewhere along the line he had gone from training near Kame House...to here. Staring up at what must be the most Charcoal black human in history.

Next to him were Tien, Yamcha, and Chaotzu. And all were here to train alongside him.

Of course they thought that they would be training directly under Kami, the gentle old Namekian who held more power in his little finger than most of them, save Goku, held in their whole bodies.

But that wasn't the case. Kami had left them here with...

Whom was thoroughly creeping him out.

That smile...pasted onto his face so permanently...like he knew something the rest of them didn't...judging them...

Those blank eyes...big...round...watching...peering straight through him...piercing him as they uncovered every dirty little secret, every layer of sin...watching...judging him.

Next to Krillin, Tien opened his mouth to speak when suddenly the four foot bald human's mouth began flapping open of its own volition, words spilling forth all at once as he burst into chubby tears.

"I'msorryIknowitwaswrong...to-tospyonLaunchbathing...wh-whenIwasyounger...but...butshewassohotpleaseforgiveme-e-e-e-e!" As the last of his sentence escaped in choking sobs Krillin became acutely aware of the others having all turned their gazes onto him, mouths open and lips parted with disbelief. And Krillin found himself hastily attempting to rephrase. "Uh-I mean...Uh... "

And Mr. Popo still stood there...unaffected by the outburst...still watching...still smiling.

Still Judging!

Suddenly the human Charcoal stick stepped to the side, voice lilting with laughter (at least to Krillin's ears) as he spoke. "Please follow me, and we can begin your training gentlemen."

Shuffling through one by one, Krillin tried not to shudder as he felt those judging eyes on his back, sending a cold chill down his spine.

With a shake he tried to push the thoughts out of his mind. _'Come on Krillin you're being Paranoid. This is Kami's assistant He's not a bad-"_

Suddenly the bald monk felt a hand fall on his shoulder, and a voice near his ear. "_You're going to die up here."_

Whirling back around on the ball of his foot, ready for a fight, Krillin just barely held back a scream before he found Mr. Popo still standing all the way at the end of the hallway where they'd left him. Nearly ten feet away.

Still smiling...still watching...

Gulping down the sudden lump of fear in his throat Krillin turned and almost ran towards the room they'd been pointed to. Ignoring the, almost happy voice of Mr. Popo behind him.

"Bye."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So…are you gonna tell me what you were dreaming about?"

"No"

"How about now?"

"Noo"

"Now?"

"Nooo"

"Now?"

"NOOO!"

"Hey Naruto"

"WHAT GOKU!"

"Come on, how bad can it be," Goku said, running alongside Naruto. "It's not like you were doing anything weird with Princess snake right?."

"I swear to God Goku I will kick you off of this god forsaken road if you even _think _about asking that question **one more time!**"

Silence...

"So...what were you-."

Seconds later King Yamma's ears twitched with what he believed to be the sound of a blood curdling scream.

**"AAAAAAARRRRRRGH**"

Glancing around his office the massive red giant shrugged after not being able to locate its source.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright Gohan you're all set, but are you sure you want to continue with your training?" Piccolo questioned, watching with intent eyes as his student settled into a fighting stance ready to defend. Giving him a nod in response, the Namekian smirked in return. "Good, with an attitude like that you just might make it."

"Now," Piccolo said, raising his arms to his sides allowing the cape to pick up in the rising current to billow from his frame. Like a shot, Gohan darted towards the Namekian. With a battle cry he struck swiftly with a flurry of punches and kicks, wildly hoping to strike the deft Namekian. Anywhere. Piccolo moved with the every punch and kick the young Saiyan threw, evading the strikes with ease even with his weighted clothing on.

Finally, after several moments of this exchange he blocked a kick aimed at his face before swatting Gohan from the air sending him flying across the field and slamming into a small boulder.

No time to admire the skill Gohan just showed. He went on guard again when Gohan appeared over the boulder striking with even more fervor. Throwing fast punches with his energy and power set behind it. But the mistake was evident when one punch was thrown too far allowing the Namekian to disappear unexpectedly and appear behind the demi Saiyan. Piccolo wound back a kick and smashed it into Gohan's stomach when he turned around to defend, connecting on impact it sent the little Saiyan sailing, once again, over another boulder.

"Keep your eye on the enemy." Piccolo gruffly said.

"But you disappeared. I couldn't see you," Gohan said, rubbing his bruised head where he landed on seconds ago.

"If you can't see the enemy, feel him out," The Namekian finalized, waiting for the young Saiyan to get on his feet.

"Well that's a lot easier said than done." Gohan replied, grimacing as a sharp pain crossed him unexpectedly. Unawares, Piccolo's eyes glowed in a electrifying light turning into a light blue hue before being sent in a laser-like way towards the young Saiyan. The blow struck directly, shocking the demi saiyan, making him jerk uncontrollably until the attack ceased. Leaving the boy dazed before he fell in a heap.

"Next time you find time to whine. Think of what you should do instead," Piccolo smirked, placing both arms by his side. "Then do it."

"Right," Gohan replied, lifting his body on his hands and knees, he strained against every nooks and aches he felt on his small frame.

"We have less than a year till the Saiyans arrive Gohan. From now on if you're not eating or sleeping then you will be sparring with me. Got it?" Piccolo said, remaining quiet as the demi Saiyan gritted his teeth lifting his body upright with great difficulty. He looked at his master in wonder and in fear hearing the Namekian's words ring home.

"That's uh, a little severe huh?" Gohan questioned feebly, trying to still the quake in his voice as he spoke to his teacher.

"The Saiyans are severe. But as strong as they are, you're gonna have to be a little stronger. There's no room for doubt in this picture." with those final words he attacked.

The young Saiyan screamed, but was able to dodge the blow at the last moment, letting it graze a piece of his chin. Gohan quickly saw the follow up from Piccolo's initial attack and countered the best he could against a powerful punch, but the sheer force of the attack rendered the young demi saiyan's power useless. Allowing Piccolo to kick him in the chest sending Gohan spiraling backwards catching his body at the right moment on a small boulder.

The black haired Saiyan breathed deeply still feeling the effects of the attack. He grimaced as he felt a stinging pain on his chest from the kick. But Gohan looked on with conviction, his eyes a blazed.

"That's it. Do it!" The Namekian egged him on, hoping to catch a glimpse of the power that had taken down Raditz. Gohan cried out, before attacking without abandon trying to drive through the Namekian.

Hours passed. Morning turned to Night. The young Saiyan still battled through the unrelenting attacks, never wavering, never faltering pushing through.

The incoming onslaught drove the young Saiyan back as Piccolo tried to pierce him with a two pointed attack. They were fast and dangerous whizzing past him as he dodged and maneuvered the attack away from his body. Showing his back, he ran away from his teacher when he lost a step minutes ago, quickly realizing the gain Piccolo had on him.

Gohan moved from side to side, jumping in different patterns, but the Namekian continued with his attack. He flipped and hit his back against a boulder he became quite acquainted with over the hours that passed between their battles. His eyes widened as Piccolo lifted his arm high above him and brought it down swiftly-as if it was an axe cutting through wood-and cut the boulder in two, or more like shattered it into numerous stones.

Gohan jumped away, but didn't expect Piccolo to reappear right next him with a a foot already locked and ready. The young Saiyan was only able to scream out when the blow connected making the boy sail in the air gliding over the evening sun. "Piccolo." he whined before landing and being covered in a dust cloud. He coughed into the dirt making it spread across his face.

"Piccolo nothing, you're getting lazy." Piccolo said. "You can defend much better than that. Now let's get going."

Gohan slowly lifted his body shaking all the while. But the determined expression he had before the training remained, set in stone across his small features. _I won't give up…Ever._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

They were climbing up a particular part of Snake way, for some reason or another, that was completely vertical. How convenient…Making both warriors climb up the length of the way on their stomachs and straining every muscle in their body for it.

Naruto looked above him seeing Goku climbing the way with ease with the skills of a monkey. The young jinchuuriki tried to follow closely but knew it was a useless endeavor. Trying to follow Goku stride for stride was pretty much trying to race on a bike with both legs tied together…

Naruto shook his head, feeling his muscles strain and ache while reaching for the next pull up. He gritted his teeth as he lifted his frame, he let a repressed breath, realizing the trip in itself was an arduous one. Full of dangers, close encounters to death, and false hopes. He gave a depressed sigh. False hopes indeed…

"Hey Naruto! Hurry up!" Goku said.

"What now Goku? Those clouds aren't food." Naruto gave defeated sound, when miles back Goku fell for a mirage and jumped straight on a cloud and nearly fell right through.

He gave a loud raucous laugh and simply said. "Nah, we made it."

Naruto's eyes widened, he climbed with renewed strength, literally lifting his body in unimaginable speeds up the rest of the length of snake way. "Goku if you're lying. I swear…" But the threat dropped from his lips when he lifted his body over the vertical outcropping and witnessed the end, the tail of snake way.

His eyes scanned the empty expanse not able to see anything in sight. Was this a bad joke? This is what was at the end…nothing?

"We're here Naruto." Goku proudly said.

"I see that Goku." Naruto replied, grimacing at a growing headache. He let a bated breath escape him before putting his head back looking at the sky. The shine of something caught his eye immediately. He looked at it directly and his eyes widened at the small tiny...planet... hovering above them. This plane…never ceased to amaze him.

"Goku I think I found it," Naruto said.

"Yea? Where is it?" Goku replied, scanning the surroundings thoroughly whereas he only had to tilt his head up just a bit to see. Naruto exhaled loudly and walked to his struggling companion and pointed up in the direction of the world. "Oh I see it now."

"So…how exactly are we supposed to get there," Goku said, leaving the young shinobi speechless.

Was he serious? He'd only been flying since they got on this god forsaken road?

Sarcasm dripping from his every word the blond spoke..."Oh I don't know Goku we'll fly on a cloud of gumdrops."

"Really? That sounds great. If Nimbus was made of gum drops…" Goku said, clueless to sarcasm as he sighed in bliss at the thought.

"Damn it Goku. Just fly us there." Naruto said, feeling the headache worsen in the process. Goku simply smiled and put Naruto's arm over his shoulder steadying him, before both warriors slowly began to rise towards the world. The Saiyan gained momentum flying faster trying to reach the world quicker. The jinchuuriki watched with mild interest, while his companion ranted on about the car having nice wheels.

The Car...The contraption of doom!

"We're almost there," Goku said. Hovering above the planet for a few minutes drawing closer into the atmosphere. They past a certain point when both warriors were taken by surprise when a sudden shift of weight fell across their shoulders. It felt like a ton, sending both warriors literally dive-bombing right into the surface, creating crater in their wake.

Feeling the pain on his throbbing face, and the horrible pressure bearing down on his whole body Naruto wondered what higher force was at work here...why had he come along this god forsaken trip...why had all this crap have to happen to him? What had he done?

He was gonna Kill the damn fox. He swore it. Somehow. Someway, he'd find a way to kill the damn thing.

"Why!" He moaned, groaning out the 'Y' with a pained sob.

Naruto and Goku heard the chortling laughter of a bug man standing not a few feet in front of them with his hands clasped behind his back. Appearing behind the man's back, a monkey was jumping happily from one foot to another, and a bug that was literally floating in air. Where the hell did they end up?

"Well…some dull boys…too bad."

Goku lifted his head, straining against the intense gravity, while Naruto remained face down. "Gosh…you must." He gritted out, before lifting his body a little, helping Naruto lift his face to the side for he can breath. "You're King Kai?"

"Hehe. What do you want a medal?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: Hope you enjoyed the chap. Review.


	5. Shikamaru's Bad Day

LD 1449 AN: I thought up Nature Chakra before Kishimoto. The only reason this wasn't out before that manga chapter was because drag-eart, my co-author, took forever to get back on the proverbial stage. *glares*

Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys  
By: Ld 1449 and drag-eart

Chapter 5: Shikamaru's Bad Day

Naruto struggled with an almost inhuman effort, trying to pull the god forsaken robe over his head to finish dressing himself.

He refused to call for help, but he felt as though he was pulling up a three ton sheet of plate metal to pull over his head.

The gravity of this planet was _insane_! And he was just trying to get _dressed!_ While sitting down!

He didn't even want to think of what nightmare Goku must be going through to try and catch that damn monkey.

Finally, his straining arms managed to bring the top piece of cloth up to eye level.

Eyes widening in surprise, Naruto felt a surge of just pure, unadulterated adrenalin surge through his arms, gifting him with what must have been inhuman strength as, with one more great heave he pulled the black robe over his neck, settling it across his shoulders.

His feeling of triumph was immediately destroyed as the crushing weight bore down on his neck and shoulders.

Staggering, face reddening with effort, he managed to put one arm through one sleeve, then put the other through the last, allowing the blackened silk to pool around where he sat. How King Kai had clothes his size he didn't know, nor did he care. He had long since decided to forgo deciphering the weirdness of this world.

Exhausted, muscles throbbing beneath his skin, Naruto mentally counted how long he'd been awake...

If he had to guess...about...twenty minutes...

And he currently felt as if he'd been doing push ups for three days straight.

So...he only had to stay awake for another...oh...16-17 hours?

Yea...this was looking up to be a great...great...day...

Maybe he should knock himself out...it would be less painful...

"Oh Naruto!" Came in King Kai's voice from the outside of the house. Cheerful and simply too laid back for the struggling blonds perspective. "Should I send in bubbles to help? Getting dressed by a monkey is quite the experience."

Refraining from delivering the comeback that was just dying to escape from his lips, Naruto stood on shaking legs, determined to not fall behind Goku, who could already at least walk without every step taking him a good three minutes.

The black robes he had just put on were pulled down by the gravity, making him feel as if he were wearing a necklace of seven three pound chains, and was chugging three gallon buckets on each shoulder.

They were to the likeness of King kai, only real difference was that instead of a red inner

Hakama and Haori they were blue, the novice collar.

Finally, after almost another half hour, the blond reached the front door of the house, pushing the door open the blond collapsed in a heap as he finally reached the exit. This was _insane_!

Opening his eyes, he found himself staring up at the blue skinned King Kai. "Giving up already?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, surprised that he even had the strength to do that.

"Just. Give me a minute..." He said, voice, guttural with his exhaustion and pain.

With a dismissive wave of his hand King Kai scoffed. "Please. I know where you're from, you'll be lucky if you'll even be able to stand upright in two months."

Naruto's pupils turned into thin, tiny pin pricks. Fear bringing him to the verge of hyperventilation.

Two months? It had barely been two days!

Still, forcing himself to calm down he decided to speak in as calm a voice as he could muster.

"So what? I'm supposed to just crawl around till my body gets used to this?"

"Oh no of course not. You'd waste too much time. No. There is a means for you to get strong enough to at least walk around in the next few days. Naruto perked up at that. An end to the pain of this gravity? He'd take it!

"Alright, what do you need me to do?"

King Kai nodded once to himself. "Well first thing I need is for you to forget everything that you've ever learned about fighting."

Naruto blinked once. "Huh?"

"I need you to forget everything that you've ever learned about fighting." He repeated. "In your world, your people fight using the mixture of spiritual and physical energies. Chakra. Obviously the physical part is out."

Naruto nodded. He'd known that since he stepped foot in this god forsaken place. _Ain't you the master of the obvious?'_ He thought. "Ok so what's your point? You're gonna teach me how to just use spirit energy to compensate?"

"No." Kai said. "I'm going to teach you how to use Nature chakra."

"I already know how to do that." Naruto said. "_And," _He continued, voice dripping with cynicism, "Unless you forgot, it needs to be balanced with _human_ chakra to not turn me into a toad statue; which, I obviously can't do."

"Wrong!" Kai exclaimed, fist raising to his eyes. "What you learned is how to harness the essence of your surrounding environment. That is not the same as the true nature chakra I will teach you."

Naruto nodded slowly on the ground. Or at least it looked like he was nodding.

"Ooookay." He ventured cautiously. "So...what's the first step."

"It's similar to what you've learned, so you should be able to grasp the concepts fairly quickly. You see, before, you were told to simply gather the chakra from the environment that surrounded you. In essence, absorbing all of Nature's power at once. Far too much power for one human body to handle. Which is why you needed to water it down with your own weaker human chakra."

"Okay, got that." Naruto said trying to pay attention as best as possible.

"What I am going to teach you, is fundamentally the same as that, it is also an ability very much like a technique of mine called, 'The Spirit bomb'. Only, instead of harnessing Nature's energy for an outward attack, you will harness it internally, essentially making your body a living power rod for all the energy around you."

"One of the key pieces of this training however, is learning to separate the different elements of nature, and passing it through certain conduits of your body. I will teach you how to filter and separate nature to its base elements throughout your training here. Earth, fire, lightning and water. Each will possess its own place and role in your body, so the massive overcharging of power is very unlikely to occur as it did in your world... and you won't turn into a garden ornament."

Naruto shook his head. "Okay so what you're saying issss…"

Staring down at the blond, deadpan expression on his face, the so called master martial artist nudged Naruto's temple with his foot, irritating the helpless blond.

"What I'm saying is that I want you to feel around you, as you did when trying to draw in the nature chakra like you've learned before, and then filter out everything in there, except, of course, for the first and most essential element you currently require. Earth."

Naruto nodded, taking in a breath. "_Ooookaaaay..." _he thought, before closing his eyes in concentration, trying to ignore the sounds of Goku running around.

Minutes later, Naruto peeked open an eye to look back up at King Kai. "Just how the hell am I supposed to know what the earth chakra feels like?"

Speaking with patience, since it had been such a long time since he'd taught this particular method of fighting, the blue skinned bug man gave the best explanation he could.

"The element of earth, is the most concrete of all four. It is a foundation, abundant and strong everywhere you'll go. Gathering its energy, and spreading it over your skin and within to your bones, and muscles, you'll increase your physical strength by ten fold, along with bone density and skin resistance to impacts. Since Earth, as I said, is the most abundant of all elements, it is probably the one whose effects you felt the most when you yourself used your version of nature chakra back on your world."

Naruto nodded. "Okay then just for curiosity before I start again. What do the others do?"

"Well, the next element you'll learn is the lightning element. It is the one that will give you the power of flight. Using it, will allow you to manipulate your Bio-electric energy, shifting your body's minor magnetic field to be the exact opposite of that of the your own planet, and as such, will lift you off the ground. But we'll cover more on that subject later. Fire is the one that follows lightning. Very basic, it is a primarily raw offensive element, which you will be able to use in combination with lightning to fire blasts similar to the Ki blasts Goku and his friends are more accustomed to using."

"Ki-what?"

"More on that later. Now, the last element, water, is very difficult to master. You most likely won't be able to get to this one while you train here so we'll discuss it some other time. For now, focus on separating the essence of the earth from the other elements. Once you manage to stand, I've got a bit of a surprise for you alright?"

Naruto nodded, deciding to close his eyes and begin concentrating again.

"Excuse me."

The wind was suddenly knocked out of the blond as King Kai stepped on his stomach, walking over him to make it back into the house.

Now, given the gravity, and King Kai's status as a portly little bastard, it just felt as if he were run over by a wheel barrow carrying bricks. Not exactly pleasant.

"You'd better get that earth element down fast Naruto, I'll be walking out with a heavy tray of food in an hour or two."

Sweating, the blond began frantically trying to pull away the feel of the earth chakra from the other three. He would at least move himself away from this God forsaken doorway. He'd seen enough of Goku's appetite while at princess snakes to know that the oaf would never even notice having crushed him underfoot once food was ready.

Nearly four hours later Naruto found himself slowly but surely pushing himself up off the floor. His flushed cheeks were red as tomatoes with the sheer effort he was pushing into his arms, forcing himself to keep his concentration through the sheer agony that burned up his arms.

Finally he reached his hands and knees, putting his arms ram rod straight, allowing the weight and pressure of his body to rest on the joints of his elbows and wrists.

Allowing himself a breath, the blond ninja cropped up one leg. Breathing once, twice, three times, he heaved himself onto his remaining foot, before straightening himself up to his full height.

Glancing down at his feet, chest heaving with labored breaths as his heart hammered within him, a single chuckle escaped his lips, followed by another, then another, until the blond was laughing as loud as his limited breath and strength would allow him.

"Ha! Take that, gravity!" He cried out. The glory and elation of his triumph carrying him to an all new high.

"Food's ready!" He heard King Kai call from the inside of the house. And to Naruto, he never thought he'd ever heard words so beautiful. It'd been ages since he last ate.

Of course...that perceived beauty soon turned to absolute horror when he heard Goku somewhere behind him. **"FOOD!"**

Snapping his head around Naruto barely caught sight of an orange shoulder before it slammed into him, knocking him on his ass before slamming flat onto his back.

Dazed and unregistering for a moment, it took Naruto a moment to realize that he was back where he started...

On the floor...flat...on...the...floor.

Again...

Alright...this is fine...he'd stand up again...calmly...rationally...

Then...he'd grab the kitchen knife...And calmly...rationally proceed to stab the black haired idiot until he stopped consuming oxygen!

Hours later, Naruto found himself sitting at the table, stuffed as he finished his third plate of food. Of course Goku had practically inhaled three tables worth but hell, it barely mattered to him what the guy did at that point. He was full and content. Even the pull of this planet's ridiculous gravity couldn't keep his spirits down.

"Ahh that was good!" Goku said, voicing Naruto's own thoughts.

To the blond's great surprise however, Goku instantly stood and looked to the monkey in the corner. "Come on bubbles, lets get going again!"

And again, to Naruto's surprise, the man proceeded to walk out of the house, much more easily than he had been doing a few hours ago apparently.

He stared at the door for a second, before allowing his head to fall against the back of the seat. That guy was unbelievable.

And he was feeling ridiculously inadequate.

Before the blond could continue his thoughts, the portly blue skinned bug man marched up to him.

"Alright so. You were able to stand up. Couldn't pick up the kitchen knife yet but its impressive for your second day."

Blinking, Naruto turned his gaze outside to where one could see Goku actually climbing a tree with some degree of success...

Oh yeah... His accomplishment of _standing_ was _awesome_ in comparison to _that!_

Listening to a shift of a chair sliding against the tiled floor, he looked back to King Kai and balked at seeing the guy sitting on a chair with his back to him, "Alright, lets get on with it."

Naruto's face scrunched up. "Get on with it? Get on with what? What are you talking about?"

"Oh right you don't know." He said, more to himself than Naruto. "Well you see. I have the ability to communicate telepathically across the planes. All you'd need to do is put your hand on my back and focus on the person you want to communicate with."

"Uhhh...okay...and...how'd you know I would wanna communicate with anyone?" He asked even as he placed his hand on the Kai's back.

"Your mind is troubled. I can tell. You have left unresolved issues in your past that must be brought to the attention of a loved one before you can focus." The old Kai said sagely. _'That and you kept on muttering 'How the hell did I even die?'_ _in your sleep."_

Naruto nodded, impressed with the old bigs intuition. Maybe he really was an awesome martial artist after all.

He took a moment to scan through the list of people that may actually believe something like this...someone who was smart, and able to think of something , or investigate something.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shikamaru sat comfortably on his grass covered hill, his smoking cigarette carrying the tang of tobacco to his lips as he lightly breathed more of it in little by little. The clouds rolled lazily above him as he calmly closed his eyes to catch some sleep.

Yeah...life was good.

_**'Hey Shika. Hey Shika can you hear me!'**_

Growling the lazy Nara sat from his hill. "What is it Naru-" He stopped mid sentence, looking around the entire hill and not finding a single person.

_'__**Oh good you can hear me! Hey Shika look. It's been a weird two months for me but I need your help. Ya see. I'm dead...somehow. So I'm calling you from this guy King Kai's shoulder. I need you to find the others, tell them what's going on and find out what the hell happened to me. I don't remember dying. Hell, the last thing I remember was that party that me and... nevermind, just find the others alright? Can you do that?'**_

Shikamaru blinked several times. Eyes, nervously darting left and right as he blinked, spreading out his senses, scanning for anyone that may be using a Genjutsu. Finding none, the shadow wielder looked to his cigarette, then to the clouds above...and back to his cigarette

Snuffing out the embers of the cancer stick, Shikamaru stood wiping his hands before he reached into his pocket and threw out the whole pack he still had. "That's enough of that bullshit."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Piccolo barely dodged a punch thrown by Gohan, his momentum leaving the young Saiyan exposed. The Namekian grabbed the extended arm and tossed the young boy at the edge of a cliff they stood upon. Gohan landed roughly on the ground sliding across the gravel, the sharp rocks imbedding itself on his skin. Piccolo giving no quarter, attacked with another barrage. The Namekian's eyes widened when Gohan's attacks became even more intense, even more desperate, trying to not tumble over.

Piccolo gritted his teeth when Gohan stayed airborne throwing a barrage of leg kicks his way. The Namekian grabbed one of the legs and threw him down. Gohan recovered quickly, only to be met by lightning punches heading in his direction. Bone crunching, they collided onto his small forearms, pushing the young Saiyan back towards the edge of the cliff. Smelling the eventual defeat, Piccolo struck much harder and in the process, losing sight while attacking without abandon. Gohan seeing the slight slip, powered up and went straight on with an attack. His body glowed a bright yellow before punching him across his face, surprising the Namekian.

Piccolo staggered for a bit, not really caring that a punch had landed, but rather the sheer force of the power behind it. He was improving. Gohan landed back down on the ground looking up at his Teacher, who by now looked down at his student chuckling. "That's it…" He rubbed the bruise quickly starting to form, smirking at his student's accomplishment.

"…But, don't stop!" Piccolo bellowed, quickly attacking the young Saiyan. The punch was unexpected and it hit the young boy, sending Gohan flying over the cliff and falling into the river below. He breached the river breathing and choking, swimming for dear life from the rapids. Gohan barely grabbed on to a boulder before looking up at his Teacher who stood on the top it.

"Piccolo, can you help me out here please," Gohan pleaded, reaching out his hand. Piccolo gave no verbal response, but extended his hand for Gohan to grasp. The demi Saiyan grabbed hold of the thumb of the Namekian, who enclosed his hand tightly around Gohan's. Piccolo quickly lifted the young boy to eye level.

"There will be no help," Piccolo released Gohan and threw another round of punches, with Gohan dodging every one of them. But being airborne for a extended amount time and not of his own accord left him wide open when he began to descend. The Namekian quickly kicked the young Saiyan square in the chest, sending him back into the river. Gohan came out of the water coughing harshly, holding on tightly to a boulder on the other side of the bank. He climbed over the boulder, slowly rising on his feet, he faced Piccolo once again.

Piccolo entered the inner sanctums of his mind as the boy was slow to get up. '_I've got to keep pushing him, I know he can reach a new level before they get here…'_ The Namekian was quickly pulled from his thoughts when Gohan flew over the water giving a battle cry to fuel the hot blooded adrenalin running through his veins. Piccolo jumped back falling in step with the incoming assault Gohan threw. "That's the way Kid."

Shikamaru clenched his eyes shut, hands going over his ears as his teeth grated against one another with enough force to crack and chip.

All damn day he'd been hearing Naruto's insufferable voice in his head and none of his attempts to get the voice to stop were working. He was about to voluntarily call the loony house himself to see if they could get him to Shut the Bloody Hell Up!_**'Shika! Shika!Shika! Shika!Shika! Shika!...Shikashikashikashikashika! God damnit. Is your name not working? How bout these other ones? Nara-lazy bones-jackass-Ino's not so secret lover. **_

_**Shika! Damn it listen to me... 'I am your father'...I am your momma's milk man."**_

As the voice droned on and on and on Shikamaru found himself taking to the rooftops. Rushing through the village in hopes of getting home and knocking his head against a wall until he passed out. Why couldn't he dream of someone else's voice. A woman. Someone sexier and more pleasant to listen to than this annoying bastard!

_**'You know I'm not gonna stop until you actually listen to me right?'**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dodge. Keep dodging. Gohan kept repeating this when Piccolo was continuously shooting an array of Ki blasts from both arms. Gohan jumped from side to side, trying to confuse the Namekian, but to no avail. The blasts were starting to singe pieces of his clothing when he dodged the last blast. The demi Saiyan flipped in the air before landing on his feet waiting for the next barrage.

"Attack! Don't just dodge, get inside!" Piccolo thundered before letting loose another round of waves. Gohan narrowly missed a blast letting it pass between his arm and torso. He felt the heat pass through, the attack powerful enough to leave a scorching signature. The young Saiyan ran across the field, the relentless blasts following in his wake. Gohan, at the last minute before reaching the edge of the cliff, turned.

Disappearing, Gohan dodged every attack that was being thrown his way. Piccolo's eyes widened as the demi Saiyan began to run faster right before his eyes. He gritted his teeth, sending another barrage but the young warrior anticipated every wave that came. The Namekian, seeing the young warrior closing in, sent forth a large blast, whereas Gohan fazed out of sight and reappeared above his position, crashing down with a cry ready to finish it.

Piccolo, having none of that, caught the demi Saiyan off guard when his eyes glowed an eerie color, sending a laser like beam towards the boy. It connected directly, shocking his entire nervous system. Gohan fell face first into the ground breathing heavily, "I think you burned my underwear…."

Piccolo gave a spectacle look, not really believing the demi Saiyan was joking at a time like this. Yes, he pulled back on the amount he charged in the blow, but nevertheless it was enough to stun a person cold. He growled in response. "That's enough. You must learn to anticipate any attack."

"You cheated," Gohan replied, getting up slowly but surely. He looked at the Namekian directly, bruised and battered, his eyes furrowed, "Remember, no eye lasers."

"Don't be foolish," Piccolo snarled, his temper getting the best of him. "You should never believe what the enemy tells you."

"Yeah," Gohan argued, but stood quiet, trying to come up with a better response. "But, you know…you're not the enemy," The little Saiyan said feebly. Gohan was so engrossed in something else other than the fight he almost missed the sudden rise in a ki and Piccolo's vertical cross chop. The demi Saiyan was barely able to lift his arm to block, sending Gohan to the ground. He looked up angrily, " Hey, no fair that was a cheap shot!"

Piccolo looked down at his apprentice and simply smirked, "Oh, well there's something you have to learn about Saiyans." Piccolo turned abruptly, his arm raised right in front of the demi Saiyan palm spread open. He snarled and bellowed loudly. " They're not fair!"

Gohan barely manage to let out a cry when he was consumed in light, the attack sending him flying over the cliff. The long fall was shortened when he caught hold of a branch but the limb was too weak to support his weight making the young Saiyan fall all the way down the hill. He may have stopped the full damage of the fall from the top, but the pain he felt throughout his body was not prejudiced. It was fair. Gohan groaned in pain, he looked through the dust cloud that formed when he fell and saw the figure of his teacher standing at the edge.

"If you ever manage to make it back up here we'll resume the training. Or…" Piccolo chuckled, before turning away from the cliff. "You can give up and go home." The Namekian mocked, walking a few feet from the edge of the cliff. He sat down abruptly and settled nearby. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply, beginning to meditate.

But his eyes opened when Gohan gave a mighty cry scaling the cliff with his bare hands and sheer will. Piccolo looked ahead waiting for his eventual arrival. He remained rooted in place smirking to himself. "Damn kid."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Blood shot eyes stared up at the dark ceiling of his room. Filtering shadows and nightly sounds made him jump. Twitchy and bordering on paranoia, Shikamaru sought some form of relief even as the voice kept on pounding away inside his mind.

If he ignored it...it would go away.

_**'Shika...are you there...can you hear me now?'**_

On and on and on it went until finally, clutching his head the Nara boy shouted a resounding _'What do you want?' _that resonated throughout the room, down the hallway and echoed out to the street.

Finally, at last. There was silence, and Shikamaru's eyes went left and right, almost searching for the voice with his gaze before he finally sighed in relief after a minute or two of silence.

It was over.

Falling back to the bed, he allowed himself to relax.

…

…  
…

_**'Wait...was that actually you asking me or were you talking to somebody else?**_

Dark eyes snapped wide open and a scream resonated through the village.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile in Kami's lookout, Krillin, Yajerobi, Yamcha and Tien squared off against one another respectively, each exchanging punches and kicks in a flurry of movement as they trained for the approaching saiyains just as everyone else was doing.

Standing off to the side was the floating Chaotzu, Kami and Mr. Popo.

"Wow, Tien and Yamcha are really good. They're almost evenly matched." The little clown faced boy said with a personal nod of appraisal.

"Gay."

The diminutive human's head snapped back around, eyes wide as he searched for the source of the voice. Only finding the still form of Mr. Popo standing just a few feet away, eyes staring dead ahead as he looked to the four fighters. The smile still firmly entrenched onto his features.

Attributing it to the trick of the wind Chaotzu turned back to face Kami who was speaking at his side. "Indeed. I do believe that, though still no match directly for the Saiyans, at their current strength they will be able to give a good fight even without Goku's help once the Saiyans arrive. With Goku's assistance, victory will almost be certain."

Nodding, Chaotzu felt a smile grace his face before it was brutally chopped down by the voice that reached his ears.

"They'll eat you _alive_."

Snapping his head around he still only found a statue-esque form standing at Kami's side, with the old Namekian silent as though he hadn't heard a thing.

Attributing it to another trick of the wind, Chaotzu turned his gaze back to the others who kept on fighting. Never able to explain the chill that crawled up his spine at the faint sound of laughter that echoed in his mind.

"Aaaaha ha ha ha. Aaaahhh ha ha ha ha ha!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was going insane.

He wasn't sure when it had started. He wasn't sure how, or why. Maybe it had been his mom's meatloaf yesterday.

But whatever it was. Shikamaru was certain that he was going insane.

He was talking to _himself!_

Is this what Ino experienced when she did it? If so the blond was even more whacked out than he'd previously thought.

And her mood swings made him think she was missing half the pieces to a game of chess at the best of times.

"Ok..so you're dead..."

_**Yes.**_

"Ok...and...you contacted me why?"

_**Because I don't remember why I died. Or when. I need you to find out.**_

"Okay. Why the hell didn't you call Kakashi then? He's the Hokage he can order an investigation. Instead of me...a Jounin...that can't just...go out and find out...this crap."

_**Uhh...well...you're smart...I figured you're the one that would find out why I died the easiest.**_

_'I must be going nuts.' _The Nara thought, rubbing his temples.

_**Alright well I'll call Kakashi right now the-**_

_**Oh no you're not. You've been holding me all day. There is no way I'm walking around with you touching me for another eight hours!**_

Alright. It was official. Shikamaru decided. He was now irrevocably insane. A supposed voice in his head of a dead Naruto was sexually molesting another old guy!

Good lord his psyche must be one fucked up mess.

_**'Stop trying to touch me!'**_

Yup...it was official... He was getting help.

_Professional_ help!

_**'Ack-damnit look I'll talk to you later Shikamaru. Just try to find out what happened to me. I think I was on a mission down south. Bye!'**_

Blinking as the voices finally faded away into nothingness. Looking to his nightstand he opened up his drawer and pulled out a pack of smokes.

He was already insane. Quitting was gonna drive him over the bleeding edge if he tried at this point. He may end up pulling an Itachi on this place.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'Alright now lets get started. You've wasted enough time already," was King Kai's annoyed voice as he stood just outside his house, ignoring Goku and Bubbles who continued to chase and be chased respectively throughout this tiny pebble of a planet.

Nodding Naruto tried to subtly stretch his throbbing back, which was just beginning to feel the strain of remaining upright in this gravity.

_'No pain no gain_' The motto had worked for Gai, it would work for him too.

For the first time in a long time. Naruto felt the brimming excitement of training charge through him. He wondered what kind of wild and new exercises and techniques he would have to learn in order to get the full hang of this.

It must be brutal.

"Now then. The key to mastering the form of nature manipulation I will teach you, lies…deeply in meditation."

And at that, Naruto felt a grimace spread across his face. Meditation...that meant lying perfectly still for hours on end. Sighing, the blond supposed he'd seen this coming. Hell, the key to mastering his form of it required perfect stillness at all times.

Taking a deep breath King Kai placed his hands in front of him, palms down, parallel to the ground, between his upper chest and belly button. "Deep breaths. You must clear your mind of all thought, and focus on the nature around you. Feel its energy and strength. Then, as you did with the earth element, separate its elements, and draw it into yourself."

"Why can't I just do what Goku's doing?" The blond questioned looking to the black haired lunatic who was currently climbing the house. "It looks like its working for him!"

"Because. You, nor your people, train in the same way Goku does." The blue skinned ethereal explained, adjusting his glasses. "Your people harness both spiritual energy and physical energy to fight. Your body is accustomed to such conditions. Goku harnesses only physical energy. Turning your body away from chakra, to Ki would do a lot more harm than good. I am teaching you how to harness chakra in a different way. So that you might match raw Ki energy or raw Chi energy if you ever encounter a spirit wielder.

Grumbling Naruto decided to give it one more try. "Alright so...theoretically...if I was to try and use Ki or whatever how long would it take to be at Goku's current skill?"

"Hmmmmm..." The Kai said to himself, pondering the query as he ran the calculations through his head. "About thirty years."

Blanching Naruto soon felt a nervous laugh rise up to his lips. "Right...well...lets get started on that meditation."

Kai nodded, a pleased smile on his lips. "Good good. Now remember, the meditation is simple. Feel the nature around you, identify, separate, then draw into yourself. Earth is the predominant element, so it will be the quickest and easiest for you to gain a grasp of. It'll also let you walk around the planet easier."

"What about exercise? I mean. Nature chakra only enhances the strength of the guy using it based on the guys own strength without it. Soon enough I'll need some of those crazy exercises to get my body stronger."

"No you won't." Kai said decisively. "You see, there's nature all around you. It is endless. As your focus becomes more acute, and you expand your senses more and more, the greater your "range" will be, for drawing in the power of nature. Essentially, the more you meditate and practice your mental focus, you will become progressively, and naturally stronger. The only exercise you really need to do is just enough to maintain your physique and nothing more."

Naruto blinked, disbelief on his face. "That's...a little weird...but...I guess it makes sense."

"Good. Now stop wasting time. Begin your meditation. Once I feel you've mastered the earth element enough we'll move onto the following, Lightning."

Nodding, Naruto proceeded to march to the base of the single, nearby tree. Sitting down, he crossed his legs into the lotus position and began the breathing exercises he learned so long ago with Pa-toad.

Several feet away King Kai smiled to himself. It had been a long time since he'd trained any Chakra user before. He hoped he got that stuff right. Otherwise the guy was going to be wasting _a lot _of time.


End file.
